The troubles you will avoid by engaging in the list building exercise.
Once again, I’m talking about marriage. Here, I’ll discuss another aspect of the idea of building a list that will help you to meet each other’s needs within your marriage.
In the previous blog post, I talked about some benefits that you can get out of that process.
I also want you to realize that this will help you to avoid certain troubles in your marriage.
You Will Avoid Feeling Like Your Mate Does Not Care
One of the first struggles that this will help you to avoid is the often false idea that your mate does not care about you at all.
When you both start working on the list, your spouse will think, “If they’re willing to do this, at least they care enough to get involved in this project.”
When you see that your husband or wife is willing to do the exercise, that will encourage you.
When the two of you see that the other is making an attempt to get the list filled out, you’ll realize that they’re making an attempt to make some sort of a change in your marriage that had not been attempted before.
So just the process of seeing your mate attempting to work on this project along with you shows that you do care about each other.
It will avoid the feeling that your mate does not care about you at all.
You Will Avoid Looking to Someone Else to Meet Your Needs
Then you will avoid the dangerous situation of looking for someone else to fulfill your unmet needs in your life.
When you have certain needs that are unmet, you have an emptiness inside. You are discouraged and others can see that within you. Sometimes, they just want to encourage you but sometimes they will come along and flatter you.
Some couples have the privilege of being able to work with each other, but many go their separate ways in the workforce and spend time around other people.
People generally have things at their jobs that they do well. When others recognize that and give you encouraging words, it helps you to feel better. Everyone can have that emptiness of unmet needs in their lives, so they look for something to come along and help that need to be met.
If someone flatters you it makes you feel good. Now sometimes you’re wise enough to know that it’s just flattery. That’s great if you are.
But if you and your spouse focus on that list of needs that you came up with, it will keep you from looking for someone else to come in and help you meet those unmet needs.
It starts off as discouragement, and when you went to feel better, you’ll start searching for those encouraging, flattering words. If those needs aren’t met by your spouse, then you will start looking to someone else for that.
But if you and your husband or wife are engaged in a project that both of you are working on and giving it an honest attempt, then it will help avoid looking for someone else to come and meet that need.
You Will Avoid Drifting Apart
The third trouble it will help you to avoid is that of just simply drifting apart.
I know of a couple that seemed to be very happy in the early years of their marriage. They had three children and did a good job of raising those children with integrity. They worked in different areas and were good at their jobs.
However, they came to a point where they just drifted apart. While talking with a counselor, he or she said, “I’ve never seen a couple like you. Neither one of you speaks badly of the other one. You just have recognized that you’ve just drifted apart.”
When you are engaged in a project such as the list-building project that I’m going to talk about in the next post, then you are both focusing on something that has the prospect of helping your marriage.
That means that you realize that your spouse does care and your spouse is making an attempt.
It will help you to avoid thinking that your spouse just does not care at all.
Then when both of you are focusing on this and you are both trying, it removes the hopelessness. It will also remove the temptation for you to look for someone else to meet your needs.
Then we have the situation of simply drifting apart. Focusing on a project like this, which will help you discover what your husband’s needs or wife’s needs are and the ranking of those needs will help connect you.
The exercise may give you some surprises. The lists may give you something else to work on in your marriage in an attempt to meet those needs. however large or small.
You will have the benefits of realizing that your mate does care.
It will have the benefit of you not looking somewhere else to get your needs met because you see that your husband or wife is willing to work in that area.
Then the fact that both of you are focused on the same thing causes you to be working together rather than drifting apart.
So those are some of the troubles that you will avoid by going through the list-building process. As I stated in the last post, the list has to do with the felt needs within your life.
I certainly hope this has been helpful to you. If you would like more tips on marriage like these, just click here.
I also have 2 books about marriage on Amazon. The first is “21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage” and the second is “From Mountains to Molehills.” Please check those out.
I also have two more books in the works!
One has to do with valuing your spouse and the other is about developing physical and spiritual intimacy in marriage. Another book about meeting each other’s needs in your marriage will come later . These blog posts are a foundation for that one
Until next time, I wish you and your marriage the best.