The Healing Power of Humility

Humility can bring about healing in our own lives, our marriages, and our Nation. Here, I will address the importance of humility, examples of humility, commands concerning humility, and the most important requirement of humility for us all.

James 4:10
Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.
II Chronicles 7:14
If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Marge and Mark

Marge and Mark were on opposite sides of the hedge, feeling torn down

Marge and Mark were next door neighbors. Marge was in her back yard. Mark was in his. Their yards were separated by a tall hedge and they could not see one another. Marge, to herself, said, “I can’t do anything right! He never stands up for me. I’m always taken for granted. He doesn’t notice when I try to look good for him. He is SO arrogant. He never apologizes for anything! He never supports me when the children put me down.”

Imagine if Marge had felt appreciation or gratitude from her husband.  How would her attitude be different?  Instead of the frustration she was feeling, maybe she would have felt grateful for a husband who supported her and showed his love.  Was her husband being arrogant, or just not paying attention?  Either way, it’s obvious there was work to be done.  Marge needed the support of her husband, and some

encouragement when she made extra effort to fix herself up.  Dealing with the children alone was draining, and feeling like she had no one to back her up or stick up for her when they put her down was very hurtful.  The whole home would have run more smoothly if Marge’s husband would have shown humility and stepped outside of himself for a few minutes and looked at things from Marge’s perspective.  I’m sure she would have had feelings of admiration for her husband as opposed to the resentment her thoughts showed.  She was working hard and did not feel the validation she needed.

Similarly, Mark was thinking to himself, “She doesn’t seem to think I know anything! I’m always taken for granted. She never says anything good about me in public. She never apologizes for anything! She never stands up for me when the children push against me. It would be nice to hear ‘thank you’ once in a while.”

Mark’s wife seemed wrapped up in her own world, her own self.  Mark worked hard, both at his job and at home.  He was skilled at many things, and knew how to do a lot.  His wife never seemed to appreciate that.  He felt beaten down and defeated.  If his wife had taken the time to step out of herself and look at things through Mark’s eyes, she may have seen what her pride had done.  Maybe she would have realized that he was a good provider, a good husband, and a good father.  Maybe her heart would have been softened, and she would have apologized for how she had treated him, and how she had not taken his feelings into consideration.  It could have been the beginning of a new commitment for her to be more appreciative of Mark, and to make sure to thank him for the things he did. 

The Importance of Humility

A man once said, “There’s one thing that I’m better at than anyone else: being humble.”

One thing I'm better at: I'm more humble than others

Pride Brings Pain

Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

In both Marge’s and Mark’s houses, it seems there were people who were lifted up with pride.

Proverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Proverbs 25:24
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

There was a time when God commanded King Saul to take his army and totally and completely destroy the Amalekites. They were to take no prizes, trophies, or plunder. They were even commanded to kill all the livestock. This was to prevent anything from the pagan land from influencing His people.

Instead, they took some of the spoils. When Samuel returned, King Saul claimed to have done what was commanded. Samuel questioned him. What is the bleating of sheep and goats that I hear. King Saul continued in his lies, indicating that he kept the animals for sacrifice.

Samuel responded:

I Samuel 15:17 -19
So Samuel said, “When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel? And did not the Lord anoint you king over Israel?
18 Now the Lord sent you on a mission, and said, ‘Go, and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.’
19 Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord? Why did you swoop down on the spoil, and do evil in the sight of the Lord?”

So, you can see that pride brings pain in our lives. In the case of our marriages, our own pride is a hindrance to helping our spouses to experience that feeling of value they deserve.

However, when we humble ourselves and get our eyes on others, we get into a better position to lift them up.

Humility Brings Joy

1 Peter 5:5-7
Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,
casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.


So, if you have cares, you can bring them to God. All you have to do is humble yourself under His mighty hand. Not only will you feel better, but you, yourself, will be lifted up in due time. Your humility will help you lift up your husband or wife, but it will also place you where God will eventually lift you up too.


II Chronicles 7:14
If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.


Humility brings joy. It brings healing. Healing for our land, for our marriages, and for our lives.

John 9:33
33.Then He came to Capernaum. And when He was in the house He asked them, “What was it you disputed among yourselves on the road?”
34 But they kept silent, for on the road they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest.
35 And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”
36 Then He took a little child and set him in the midst of them. And when He had taken him in His arms, He said to them,
37 “Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me.”


I have an entire message on just this, called the Secret of Greatness. It can be summed up in just one sentence: The secret of greatness is humble service without thought of reward. That is what Jesus was talking about here.

 Marge and Mark are good examples of what can happen if we don’t practice humility in our own lives.  Resentment and hurt feelings arise.  That’s just from the human standpoint.  Relationships between one another are an important part of life.  We want to go through life with people who appreciate and respect us, and we need to do the same. 

Imagine if we all showed one another the grace that God shows us.  How much more kind would we be to the cashier who made a mistake in giving us our change, or the driver who cuts us off in traffic?  Imagine how our brothers and sisters in Christ could be lifted up and encouraged if we addressed them with humility and grace and love?  If the humility is something we are the recipient of, imagine how encouraging that would be, and how much more joy and contentment we would feel in our lives.  Pride can cause so many problems. Refusing to be humble can cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and sometimes much worse.  The biggest reason to be humble, though, is because God commands it!

Examples of Humility

Moses

Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.

Numbers 12:3  
Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.
Moses was leading millions of people. God used him to part the Red Sea, and all the children of Israel went across on dry ground.

Something I want you to understand is that humility does not mean being a doormat. We must humble ourselves in the sight of God. We can fall down before God in our feelings of unworthiness. We should be humble in our dealings with others. But humility does not equal weakness. Moses was very strong. In fact, he even had a problem with anger. His anger caused him to miss seeing the Promised Land when he struck a rock instead of speaking to it as God had commanded.

Jesus

Humility: the greatest example was Jesus

Of course, the greatest example of humlity is Jesus. He was King of the Universe, yet He humbled Himself, was born as a baby, and raised by humans. He knew hunger, thirst, criticism, and intense pain on the cross. He had the power of Heaven at his disposal and He chose humility. Humility is strength and power under control.

Luke 2:51
And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.

Joseph and Mary had lost Jesus. Imagine what it must have felt like–to have been given the responsibility to care for God’s only begotten son, and the lost Him!

When they found Him, He was in the temple talking with the doctors of the Law.

When they questioned Him, He told them that He must be about His Father’s business. Still, he went with them and was subject unto them. Here is the ruler of the universe deciding to be subject to human beings.

Notice He was subject to them even though He knew more than they did.

Not only that, He was subject to them even though they were sinful and He was not.

I John 3:16
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Jesus came to this earth and humbled himself. When they came to crucify Him, He allowed it to happen.

If the strong personalities of Moses and Jesus could humble them selves, surely we could temper our own selves.

Commands Concerning Humility

Ephesians 5:32-33
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

We need to value one another, and make one another feel valued. You are valuable to God. So much so that He sent His son, who was willing to take your sin upon Himself. God values you so much, he offers you the gift of eternity in Heaven. You are that valuable!

Scripture tells us to not grieve the Holy Spirit. We’re told that when we receive Christ, we receive the Holy Spirit. We also receive the fruit of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness*, self-control. Against such there is no law.
*Gentleness is the same as meekness or humility.

When we looked at the translations that said that Moses was the meekest man on the earth, we saw that alternate translations said the more gentle than others, and further that he was more humble than others. We see the synonyms: meekness, gentleness, and humility. Therefore, humility is a part of the fruit of the spirit.

How can we learn to be more humble?  The Bible is the perfect place to start.  Use a concordance or search engine and find scripture verses about humility.  Write them in a notebook and keep them where you have your daily devotional.  Read the verses daily.  Commit them to memory.  Another way is to look up…from the phone or computer, from the television, the book, paper, or anything else that takes your focus away from others.  Look for needs around you.  Look for the person who is hurting.  Pay attention to words and actions.  Not everyone who needs help will tell you.  Pray and ask for wisdom and discernment in seeing people’s needs.  Ask for guidance in how you can help.  Be open to correction and direction.  Remember that being humble is a fruit of the Spirit, a gift from God when we accept Jesus as Savior.

The Most Important Requirement of Humility for All of Us

Kneeling at the cross, remembering that Jesus humble himself and gave his life for us

We have to humble ourselves and admit that we have sinned in order to receive Christ. God requires it. If you are going to be saved, you can’t say, “I don’t need to be saved. I’ve done all these wonderful things. I’m better than that person over there” The Bible says in Romans 3:23 that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory.

Humbling yourself before God is the only way to get to Heaven. Why would God have sent His son, and why did Jesus lay down his life, if there were another way? Even Jesus Himself prayed to His Father, if there were any other way, to let the cup “pass from” Him.

The first step to salvation is to humble yourself before God. Acknowledge your sin, that you’ve gone your own way, and that you have pushed against God. Give yourself to Him, and He will fill you with His Spirit, and you will receive the Fruit of the Spirit.

Pride stands in the way of us lifting up our husband or wife. Humility will remove that barrier.

Humility then will heal our land, our marriages, and our lives.

If you enjoyed this marriage tip, you might like this one that talks about the power of overcoming.

I hope this has been helpful to you.

If you would like more marriage tips like these, you can go to randycarney.com or to randysblogs.com. Either URL will get you to the same place.

If you are already on my website, just click the “Marriage” tab at the top of the page.

Also, don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.

How to Write Nonfiction | Turn Your Knowledge into Words

How to write nonfiction – Turn your knowledge into words that can be shared in books and articles. Your life has given you a lot of experiences. From those experiences, you have gained knowledge. That knowledge can help people, and that’s what you want your book to do. But how do you go about putting that knowledge into words?

Writing From Mountains to Molehills

Several years ago, I wrote a book called From Mountains to Molehills: Overcoming and Celebrating Your Differences in Marriage.

The process of writing this book was easier than it was for some of the others That was because I already had some chapters written from a previous book that was divided into six parts.

I later decided to revise the original book, but then I decided instead to write a series of six books. Each new book corresponded to one of the parts in the original book. So, I had several chapters that related to that content that was about “Overcoming.” I think there were probably about 40 or 50 pages that came from those chapters. To come up with the new book, I thought more about the topic. How could I expand it from about five chapters to anywhere from 12 to 20 chapters? The final product ended up being 14 chapters after I got it all put together.

Then I thought more about what I had covered in the chapters that were in the “overcoming” part of the original book. As I thought about that, I looked for the gaps. What else did I need to talk about on that topic? Then I did research.

Part of that research involved putting out a survey, and surveying other books that related to this topic. Then I went back and filled in the gaps, and outlined those other chapters. Having completed that research, I was able to finish the book.

After that, I was able to go in and put in some of my own personal touches. I added some personal stories out of our own lives. Then, as I recall, I made up some fictional stories in that particular book and put those in at the beginnings of the new chapters. They were stories of Ralph and Elizabeth. Of course, Ralph and Elizabeth were not people that I really knew, rather they were composites of people who were experiencing the things that I was talking about.

Brainstorm What You Know

First of all, brainstorm what you already know. Just get a piece of paper, and start writing down ideas on that piece of paper. Set a timer for 15 minutes and write as quickly as you can. After the timer goes off, set it again if the ideas are still flowing. Keep doing this until things slow down and you run out of ideas. At this point, things will not necessarily be in order. After that, one of the ways that you can handle that brainstorming and reorganizing would be to put little symbols beside the topics. For instance, sometimes I put a little box beside sentences or phrases that are similar. Next, I find another group of similar phrases or sentences, and I put a circle beside those to differentiate between them and those with the boxes. You can think of other symbols for that purpose. I remember using a triangle one time when I did that. I also remember using a 5-pointed star, and an asterisk. I was able to group those ideas together. So you use a process like that to brainstorm what you already know.

Look for the Gaps

Then, you try to find the gaps. Ask yourself, “Will this cover the topic? Will this give my audience the help that they really need?” Once you answer those questions, you can do further research.

Research for Info to Fill the Gaps

When you find the areas where the information is lacking, it’s time to research your topic. With that added information, you can come up with chapters to fill in the gaps.

Get the Rough Draft Done

The next step is the most important: Get the rough draft down, just get a draft down. In most cases, that will help.

Some people are really good at writing and editing the same day. If you do that, then you just need to have a word count for each day. Others do really well by just rough drafting each day until they’ve got the whole book done. Sometimes those people use a timer, and write those sections until the timer goes off. They have a time goal for the day instead of a word-count goal. Then they go back and do the editing and refining. Either way though, get the rough draft down.

In some of the coaching that I do, I help people with writing rough drafts of books. I have two different methods of fast writing that can be used. I also have two different methods of how they can “talk” their content out. They can utilize their phone, even do a live video like my “Walking with Randy” videos. They have an outline, and speak the book. There are two different methods for doing that, but going into more detail goes beyond the scope of this blog post.

So, you brainstorm, fill in the gaps, research, and get the rough draft down. After that, you make it even more interesting.

Add Your Personal Touches and Stories

Go in and add your own personal touches and stories. Now the stories don’t all have to be yours, they can be stories of other people (with their permission to tell their stories). But, tell your stories where you can. That adds the personal touch. You can also make up stories that are actually composites of people you know. That’s what I did in the case of Ralph and Elizabeth.

You have knowledge, and you have knowledge that will be helpful to other people. I hope that this blog post will help you to be able to turn your knowledge into written words.

So, how to write nonfiction-turn your knowledge into the words. Again, I hope this has been helpful to you.

I will remind you that you can go to Randy’s blogs.com to get more writing tips like these. If you are already on the blog, you can click on the “Writing” tab on this page.

You can also get videos like this on YouTube. I would even recommend that you subscribe to my YouTube channel to get a sample of more videos like these. if you are a subscriber, on a rainy day, you can binge watch the whole set!

Incidentally, if you are interested in the above mentioned, From Mountains to Molehills: Overcoming and Celebrating Your differences in Marriage you can find more info here.

Why I wrote From Mountains to Molehills – Tips Every Married Couple Needs to Know

Combat or Fireworks

Why I wrote the book From Mountains to Molehills, Overcoming and Celebrating Your Differences in marriage: “You can’t live with ’em, and you can’t live without ’em” is an often expressed sentiment in many marriages. In some marriages, though, that “You can’t live with ’em” aspect can turn into conflict, then combat, and then a full-blown war. In this article, we will look at tips every married couple needs to know.

The Number One Major Adjustment Every
Married Couple Will Face

One reason I wrote the book is that discovering your differences is a major adjustment every married couple will soon face after they are married. This can be anything as simple as which side of the bed they prefer to issues as complex as spending habits and finances. But with the proper tools, married couples can learn to overcome, and even celebrate, these differences.

The TRUTH About the Idea that Opposites Attract

We know that it seems like opposites attract. We’ve often been told that, and it is often true. The reason is we look at someone who has an opposite personality trait, and we admire the strengths they have. We especially do that when we wish we had those strengths ourselves.

The same is true in the area of spiritual gifts. When someone has a different spiritual gift from ours, we often admire the positive aspects of that gift. Opposites do attract. Before we are married, we often focus on those strengths. But then after we’ve been married for a while, we began to realize that with every strength there is an accompanying weakness. We focused only on the strengths before. But after marriage, we discover those weaknesses. It doesn’t take long till we might start focusing upon the weaknesses.

Why We Think Differently – Tips for Beginning Married Couples

This book helps us understand why we have different ways of thinking. In it, we discuss contributing factors such as personality traits and personality differences.

We also see how birth order affects how we think. Being a first-born, middle child, or youngest shapes our thoughts and actions.

Then for those of us who are Christians, we discuss the characteristics of different spiritual gifts. These gifts can also have an effect on how we view and act in our relationships with others.

The Real Reason Why We Sometimes Resort to Combat

When we encounter differences in our marriages. We often want to advocate for our own positions. That is when combat comes in. Also as we encounter those differences in our marriage, we form a perception of them being extremely different. In our minds, it’s like trying to climb a mountain to overcome those situations.

Turning Our Differences into Reasons for Combat

By looking at the disagreement from within ourselves, it can appear insurmountable. We always want to feel like we are right in our wants and desires. After all, we’ve spent a lifetime developing them. Taking the time to step outside ourselves and view the conflict from another point of view allows us to see more clearly.

What Every Couple Needs to Remember About Fireworks

So when we celebrate on the Fourth of July, we often see glorious beautiful fireworks. But sometimes we forget that those fireworks are born out of a full-blown war. When we fail to deal properly with our differences in marriage. We can advocate for positions so strongly that it comes to an area of combat in marriage. That can end up going into a full-blown war too.

We want to get to the point where our differences can result in celebrations for us to consider instead of firing mortars at each other.

Glorious Fireworks

The Blessing of Understanding

I encourage us, who are married, to continue to study that complex creature to whom we have committed our lives. As we do that, we will discover not only the strengths we were attracted to at the beginning, when we were dating. But, we will continue to discover many, many more wonderful traits as we go through our journey.

We just need to do our best to understand each other as we engage in this wonderful thing called marriage. We also need to understand that very often our differences are not in the category of one being better than the other. One is not better than the other. They are just different. When we learn to approach our differences in that fashion, that technique helps.

Here is the book.

Keeping Peace in Your Marriage
Three of Randy’s Books – Top, From Mountains to Molehills

If you would like to go look at it on amazon.com, click here. On the way, I will invite you to sign up to receive information by email if you desire.

Right now, if you’d like more marriage tips like these, you can click on the marriage tab at the top of the page. You can see video tips too by clicking here.

I will close by inserting a couple of paragraphs from the book:

“When we allow each other to be who we truly are, and when we learn to limit our liberty and show deference to each other, we can come to the point of having a tolerable marriage. Then, as we perfect this process, we can laugh at our differences. We can ‘cut each other some slack.’ We can pursue our own interests while allowing our spouses to do the same. We don’t want to lead completely separate lives, so we want to support our mates in their unique interests. We want to learn about those and spend some time sharing in those areas. Now we’re getting into the “how-to.” You will see more of that in the pages of this book.

“So, when faced with our differences, we can become combative, or we can step back and find different ways to deal with those differences and the frustrations they may cause. We can support our partners in their unique interests and personality traits; realizing one is not necessarily better, but just different.
When we do that, instead of engaging in combat, we can come to the point of tolerating and moving on to celebrating our differences. We will move from engaging in combat to watching glorious fireworks. When that happens, we will have turned our ‘Mountains’ into ‘Molehills.’

Video for Blog Posts – The Covid Video Blessing

Watching Video on Computer
Watching Video on Computer

Forced into doing things we are not used to describes the year 2020 for most of us. Video for blog posts is something that some of us discovered as a transferable skill that resulted from us meeting a need during the pandemic.

Along with being a speaker, writer, and book-writing coach, I serve as a bi-vocational minister. Several of my friends in this same category got thrust into some new experiences.

Many of us, as a precautionary measure, quit worshiping at our local churches for a while. That is when many of us started doing online services. I already had a YouTube channel and some experience producing my own videos. Others, though, learned how to do this for the first time.

The Background of the Transferable Skill of Using Video for Blog Posts

I had some experience with Facebook Live, but, as often happens, I had to learn the process all over again in order to record some of our messages. For a while, that was simply done in my home office, but when we decided to return to our church, we continued broadcasting live through Facebook.

Apart from that, I have a wonderful assistant who helps me carry out many tasks that can be time consuming. So, after I learned how to transfer the FB Live videos to YouTube, I trained her in that process too.

We edit the live recording to shorten it somewhat, and to remove any copyright claims for the wider YouTube audiences.

I know I can include the YouTube videos here on this blog, but I wondered if a link could go directly to the Facebook Live video from over a week ago too.

Trying the Temporary Links for Using Video for Blog Posts

So, here goes the experiment.

First, we will include the YouTube video. Some like for me to have these replays up anyway.

Here is the video from a week or two ago:

Here is a listing of that same link:



Now, here is the attempt to go to the original Facebook Live version:

And, again, here is that link:

https://www.facebook.com/randy.carney1/videos/10224508277198421

I guess one way to check this is to publish it temporarily, and then come back and finish editing the bog post.

Since I am writing in real time, let me just say, “I will be back in a minute.” 🙂

I left and published temporarily and both of the links worked. So, you can use Facebook Live videos as well as YouTube links. (I will have to keep checking back to see how long the Facebook video links will work.)

Using Facebook Live to Produce Video for Blog Posts

How To Use Facebook Live To Get More Traffic To Your Website could be an alternate heading for this section.

Facebook Live is a quick and easy way to produce a video for a blog post that assists Internet marketers to get more traffic to their websites.

The bottom line here is that this is a quick way to produce a video for your blog post. Doing this gives you an almost unfair advantage. You will get more traffic to your website over other Internet marketers by inserting videos into your blog posts.

All Internet marketers should check out this tool because using it is a very quick way to produce videos. Once the video processes where it comes up when you open up Facebook, all you have to do is copy the url and use it as a link to a picture in your blog pos

Here’s why Facebook Live is so important…

You can start on an article, cut away to do a video, and then come right back.

How can you get started with video very quickly?

  • Go to your Facebook page
  • Click on the “Live Video” link
  • Your camera will come on and you will see yourself in the lower right corner
  • About half-way down on the left side of the page, you will see the word, “post”
  • You can go down two items below that and click on the down arrow to choose to share to your timeline, to a page you manage, or to a group
  • I would recommend putting in a title, but it is optional
  • Then put in a short description
  • When you are ready, click on “Go Live.”
  • After your presentation, click on “finish,” and then choose where you want to share the video on Facebook.
  • Wait a while for the video to show up on Facebook where you shared it
  • Start the video, and copy the url from the top of the page
  • Then you can place that link in your blog post

And the great news is, this incredible tool costs nothing at present.

You can check out this quick way to produce a video for a blog post by going to your own Facebook page.

If you would like more tips on writing, click here.

The Real Trick To Keeping Peace in Your Marriage

Keeping Peace in Your Marriage

Let me tell you a quick story about something that happened about two weeks after I got married… and what you can learn from it. It may help you find the real trick to keeping peace in your marriage.

Describing a “Marriage Saver”

A Surfacing Problem

I didn’t notice it much at first, but after brushing my teeth for fourteen days, I realized my wife had a habit of squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle. I always squeezed it from the bottom.

A toothpaste tube squeezed in the middle
We Needed a Marriage Saver

My theory was that you could get more out of the tube by getting it all from the bottom and working your way to the top.

Rhonda evidently was not enlightened.

I told her about my preference, but it didn’t really seem to make much difference.

I also found that she wanted the roll of toilet paper to hang down the front instead of hanging down the back.

I didn’t really care, just as long as the roll was there. So, at least I didn’t compound the problem.

The modern toothpaste manufacturers have helped many marriages because the plastic tube bounces back into shape pretty easily. Not so, when we first got married. The toothpaste tubes back then seemed to be sort of a flexible metallic material that looked like stiff aluminum foil underneath the paint. They just stayed in whatever shapes you left them after the squeeze. I have to admit it really frustrated me.

A Funny Answer for Keeping Peace in Your Marriage

A few years later, one of our cousins got us a Christmas present that was called a “Marriage Saver.”

It looked kind of like a clothespin. You attached it to the bottom of the toothpaste tube, and rolled it up as you continued to use it. I liked it because it was basically following my preference. Rhonda went along with it.

The gift was sort of a joke, but I have surveyed many audiences during marriage seminars, and they seem be about half and half on the preferences of which way you should squeeze the toothpaste tube, or how you position the toilet paper rolls.

A Good Take Away

The thing I really want you to take away from this is: Sometimes we all need to realize that husbands and wives do have different preferences, and they need to work through how they will handle them. Learning to handle these differences can lead to the real trick to keeping peace in your marriage.

However what this means to you in your marriage is we all need to realize that some of our preferences don’t amount to as much as we think they do.

You may have discovered some differences of opinion in your marriage. So here’s your next step as it relates to what I just shared: If you really want harmony in your marriage, buy the book, From Mountains to Molehills, so you can overcome and celebrate your differences in marriage.

If you would like more articles like these on marriage, Click Here.

Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Review: An Alternative to Marriage Counseling

Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program
Fix Your Marriage
Marriage Fitness Review
Fix Your Marriage Now

My Ratings: 9.9 out of 10

Product: Three Options, Audio Files, Tele-Boot Camp, Private Sessions
Price: $69.95 Audio, $179/mo. for 3 months, or $875+ private sesseions
Review Focus: The Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, $179/mo 3 times
 My Rating: 9.9 out of 10

Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Program – Product Overview

This Marriage Fitness review features Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Program.

The Tele-Boot camp includes 7 Teleconference calls. These are the heart of the customization of this program to your situation. During each hour-long call Mort conducts an open-mic Q and A teleconference. You can listen for answers if you wish. Better yet, you can ask your own specific questions. If you can’t make the scheduled, you can listen to the recorded sessions.

In addition to the tele-conferences, you will have access to a solutions library of audio files. This is the most comprehensive marriage-crisis audio library in the world. Whatever your problem, the solution is here. Got a question? You’ll find the answer here too. There are 162 audio files searchable by topic. Just click, listen, and you’ll go from confused and frustrated to clear and calm. User feedback indicates that the most compelling and solution-oriented content is here. Many users listen to these audio files multiple times.

Then there is a 15-part audio learning system in a designated sequence rather than wide array of topic in the solutions library. Choose between CDs or instant digital online access. This audio series will answer every question you have about how to transform your marriage. And you’ll get step-by-step instructions on how to turn your marriage around. 

Accompanying the 15-part audio learning system is a 200 page workbook and personal journal.

Further, you receive an autographed copy of Mort’s book, Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building and Maintaining Phenomenal Love.

You will receive 7 key Homework Assignments, an Implementation Schedule, and 5 Marriage Assessments.

All of the materials can be accessed through a special members-only website.

Benefits of Identification

Concerning Your Marriage, Have You Ever Heard or Felt the Following:

  • Have you wondered how you can fix the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” declaration?
  • We’ve tried counseling, but all we do is fight about the past
  • I really wish there was a way to wipe the slate clean
  • We need to find a way to rekindle “Desire” in our marriage
  • My spouse doesn’t trust me anymore. How can I fix that?
  • How do I know if I married the right person
  • How can I get my spouse to change?

Benefits of Practical Solutions

The Marriage Fitness Program has 90% success rate. Instead of spending hours dealing with the past, you will find practical techniques that will bring hope in the following areas:

  • How to increase the effectiveness of your marriage
  • How to forgive and be forgiven
  • How to get over the past
  • How to reconnect with your spouse
  • How to work on your marriage even if your spouse is resistant by using “The Lone Ranger Track”
  • How to ruin their affair if your spouse is involved in one
  • How avoid a separation or stop a divorce
Mort Fertel - Founder of the Marriage Max Marriage Fitness Program
Mort Fertel – Founder of Marriage Max and the Marriage Fitness Program

Pros and Cons

Pros

  • Focuses on Present Solutions, not dwelling on past mistakes
  • Author and wife discovered the techniques while rescuing their own marriage
  • There is a track for one spouse when the other will not participate
  • Except for the one-on-one in-person counseling, the cost is relatively low compare to long periods of traditional counseling
  • Is an alternative to traditional marriage counseling
  • Has three different levels of participation to meet differing budgets
  • Has a 90% success rate

Cons

  • Is not traditional counseling — Some may feel the need for the traditional route
  • The in-person meetings are quite expensive
  • When the other spouse is not on board, the program will likely take longer
  • The least expensive option does not have the interactive features that the recommended option has
  • Those who are not “teachable” are likely to fail because of not giving the techniques a fair chance
  • Not everyone will have the technology to receive the full benefits of the Tele-Boot Camp Option

It’s Conclusive For Me: Marriage Fitness Is an Outstanding Product

I certainly like this product. The principles are common-sense items. The cost is truly low enough that it would be worth the try for anyone who strongly desires improve or restore his or her marriage.

If this sounds appealing to you, I highly recommend you get Mort’s Free Report on 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage, and that you enroll in one of his subsequent programs.

I hope you enjoyed this review, and if you have any questions about The Marriage Fitness Program or want to leave your own personal review, please leave a comment below.

A Quiet Air of Respect

I attended the funeral of Tom Julian this afternoon. He was a man for whom I have a great deal of respect.

Tom and his wife, Wava, were good friends with my parents. They often visited and played games together.

Tom Julian – A Man of Integrity and Respect

That meant that their children and I were good friends too. We played together while our parents were playing games. I remember their oldest son, Danny, had all kinds of cool stuff. He had an erector set and a reel to reel tape recorder (It may not have exclusively been his, but I remember us playing with it.)

Danny and Patty and their younger sister, Kathy were closer in age to me. We remember going on camping trips with our parents. Brian and John came along later, so I did not know them as well.

Kathy remembers liking my comic book collection. She would borrow some and give them back the next time we visited. She especially liked the Archie comics.

I remember Tom being a man of integrity, a good carpenter and woodworker (although his occupation was coal miner). He even made their own pop-up camper. I also, however, remember him as a man who was faithful in church.

I told his older children, whom I knew well because they were closer to my age, “I don’t know if it was his Christianity showing through, or what, but I always thought of him as being a man that displayed a quiet air of respect.” They agreed.

How this relates to my business interests is that displaying respect always pays off. Also, in the series of books I am writing on marriage, I talk about the importance of respect. That will be highlighted in the next book in the series, book 3, which will emphasize the importance of valuing each other.

To see some more marriage resources, click here.

That is a great summary of Tom’s “Life in a Day!”

How to Leave the Past Behind and Experience the Magic of Making Up

Would you like to know how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover's rejection...even if your situation seems hopeless? It's like being told not to breather.
How long can you hold your breath?

How long can you hold your breath? Although world records for holding a person’s breath underwater exceed 20 minutes, the average person can hold his or her breath for about two minutes. Navy SEALs report holding their breath for two or three minutes. Those who break the records spend time breathing oxygen before they try to accomplish those amazingly long times of performance. The thing is: you can be told not to breathe, but your body won’t let you do that for very long. If you have experienced a severe breakup or a rift in your relationship with your spouse, you may be told to leave the past behind, but that is like being told not to breathe! How to leave the past behind is all important.

Would you like to know how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover’s rejection…even if your situation seems hopeless? T-Dub Jackson tells just how to do that.

When such a situation is not resolved, then one of the parties leaves or sometimes there is a mutual parting of ways. However, after a while, you realize that situation is so much worse than staying together to resolve the conflict.

One of the things that is important in bringing about such a reconciliation is to approach the attempted resolution from a position of strength. You may feel like groveling, promising anything, not considering whether you could keep such a promise. It is important then not to smother your ex, and sniveling weakness will not be attractive.

When you work on yourself and begin to know that you will be able to approach life as a better person, whether the relationship is ever resolved, you become more attractive to your ex. In order to do that, you have to learn how to leave the past behind.

I mentioned T Dub Jackson a minute ago. Check out my review of his product, The Magic of Making Upto find out more about how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover’s rejection…even if your situation seems hopeless.

Here are some tips for leaving the past behind:

  • Realize why it is important to leave the past behind
  • Realize that you need to work on yourself, regardless of the circumstances
  • Realize that life will go on
  • Try to remove yourself from emotion and look at things objectively
  • Realize what mistakes you have made and take steps to correct them.

T Dub tells how thousands of people have been able to make such corrections and get back together.

Beside The Magic of Making Up, another resource that may help is 21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage.

To the best of your ability, put the past behind you and move toward a better future.

The Magic of Making Up Review – Tips for a Better Relationship

The Magic of Making Up - The Path to a Restored Relationship

My Ratings: 9.8 out of 10

Product: The Magic of Making UP
Price: $39.99
Product Specifications: Digital Product 62 Page PDF
Price: $39.00
My Rating: 9.8 out of 10

The Magic of Making Up, Product Overview

The Magic of Making Up is a quality 62-page ebook in PDF format filled with content that his helpful for the process of restoring a relationship.

While the subtitle of this post, “Tips for a Better Relationship” is certainly true. The fact is there will be no relationship if you can’t get back with your Ex. Following the principles in “T-Dub’s” book will not only restore your relationship in most cases, but you will come out of the process as a stronger individual.

Benefits of Being Understood

Since you are concerned about the process of making up, many of the following items may be things you identify with.

Do you find yourself involved in the following:

  • Binge eating to bring comfort to your soul
  • Flooding your Ex with calls and texts, maybe even to the point of “terrorizing” them
  • Thinking non-stop about why he or she really left you
  • Endlessly thinking about what you should have said
  • Regardless of your intention, seemingly making your Ex more and more angry and defensive
  • Feeling massively depressed
  • Apologizing profusely for everything and begging to be taken back

Benefits of Hope

The Magic of Making Up brings much hope because within its pages you will learn how to:

  • Get your head on straight by using the Fast Forward Technique
  • Tap into the one-thing men desire most to keep them from being further attracted to someone with whom they may have had an affair
  • Give your wife what she needs most in order to get her back and to keep her from being further attracted to someone with whom she may have had an affair or to someone she may fantasize about having an affair with
  • Know when to apologize, and when not to apologize
  • Start over with a clean slate, and to end up with a stronger relationship than ever before
  • Diffuse arguments before they start and get back together without fear of returning to a former fighting relationship
  • Recapture the romance you had when your love was brand new
The Magic of Making Up - The Path to a Restored Relationship
The Magic of Making Up – The Path to a Restored Relationship

Pros and Cons

Pros

  • Not written by a professional counselor, but by an author with much real-world experience
  • Thousands have been helped by the content within this product
  • Relatively low cost compared to the cost of counseling
  • Follows the techniques of Love Must be Tough put forth by an established family authority
  • You will come out stronger even if the relationship is not restored
  • Does not contain an overwhelming amount of content

Cons

  • Not written by a professional counselor – determine whether this is necessary for you
  • Not everyone will utilize the willpower necessary to pull this off
  • Some slang is not what many would recommend, for instance, slang that actually means “urinate”
  • The authority promotes making up for those who live together without the benefit of marriage
  • Techniques at times may seem too simplistic
  • Some may want more information

It’s Conclusive: The Magic of Making Up Is An Outstanding Product

I certainly like this product. The principles are common-sense items. The cost is truly low enough that it would be worth the try for anyone who strongly desires to get back with his or her Ex spouse or girl friend or boy friend.

If this sounds appealing to you, I highly recommend you pick up your own copy of The Magic of Making Up.

I hope you enjoyed this review, and if you have any questions about The Magic of Making Up or want to leave your own personal review, please leave a comment below.

Regain Trust in Marriage – Overcome Both of Your Fears

Hands Shielding Face

Regain trust in marriage? Can you really do that when you have lost it?Sometimes your or your mate loses trust over a series of disappointments and failed promises. At other times, however, a major event occurs that causes a loss of trust. An affair is extremely difficult to overcome.

Sometimes the offender has a fear the marriage partner can not forgive him or her, and they could never restore the marriage. Likewise, the offended party has fears that the spouse will not really change. Also, the one who needs to forgive may also have a fear of really being able to do that. If there is a real commitment to overcome this loss, you can regain trust in marriage. Overcome both of your fears by summoning the courage to rebuild.

How can you do that? Among other things, you can take four basic actions to regain such a trust.

Forgive

The most important step for both of you will be the step of forgiveness. With an affair, if you were the offended party, this step will be important and difficult. You will have so many emotions running through your mind. You will have a feeling of betrayal. You will feel rejected, and you will probably also feel angry.Forgive each other

If you were the offending party, and you have truly come to your senses, it will be equally important for you to forgive yourself.

While there is no excuse for what you did in violating your marriage vows, your spouse may need some forgiving too.

As time goes on, you will make deposits in the trust bank. Each time you do something trustworthy, you confirm that your spouse’s decision to forgive was the right thing to do.

At first your forgiveness will probably be a sheer act of your will. You may not feel like forgiving all the time, but you will do so because you have decided to do so.

Forgiveness does not mean that you excuse the behavior and sweep the hurt under the rug and just act like the offense never happened. We often talk about “forgive and forget.” If we take God’s act of forgiving as our model, we will see the sense in which He forgets. When God decides to forget, He does not lose the ability to know what happened. Rather, the way he forgets is that he does not hold the past against us. When you forgive your husband or wife, you will still know what happened. The key is not to dwell on the past and not to hold it against your spouse. If there is a new offense, that is what you will deal with. It is very important not to add fuel to the fire by bringing up past similar experiences.

However, to rebuild trust, you will give new conditions based on the past offense.

The first step is to forgive. Then you will begin the process of rebuilding.

Do What You Say

The best way to build or rebuild trust in any situation is to be a man or woman of your word. If you say you will be somewhere at a certain time, be there. If you say you will hold your spouse accountable for meeting certain agreed-upon conditions, make sure you stick to your word. If you decide later that your conditions were unreasonable, explain why you are willing to change them at that later date.

Suppose you say you will be home for supper at a certain time, make sure you actually arrive on time. Every time either of you does
exactly what you promised, you gain or regain trust in your marriage.

Suppose you know you will not make it home when you said you would. How do you handle that? It is very important to let your husband or wife know. It is also very important to do the informing as close to the moment you realize this will happen as you can.

Much distrust and discontent in many marriages could be avoided by simply letting the mate know what is going on. You do need to explain why you will be late (and the reason better be a good, legitimate reason, and something that you could not have easily avoided.)

Committing to this principle may help you see if you have a tendency to overestimate what you can accomplish in a certain amount of time. After you practice this important action for a while, you will be better at making time estimates.

Your spouse will also become more confident you really care about his or her time and feelings. When you rebuild this well enough, it may meet the occasional instance where you may not be able to inform your wonderful mate of your lateness with only a minimal frustration. “I knew something important that you couldn’t avoid came up,” will be music to your ears, coming from your spouse. Then you will truly know you have been successful in rebuilding trust.

First, forgive. Second, become a man or woman of your word.

Practice the Principle of Leaving

The third action you can take to rebuild trust in marriage is to practice the principle of leaving. Here, we are specifically talking about putting things behind you and leaving them there–never (a strong word, huh?) to bring them up against your spouse again.Put the past behind you You, by an act of your will, decide to forgive. Both of you develop track records of keeping your

promises and doing what you say. These track records make it easier for you to rebuild trust in each other. Focusing on the new will be very important. Leaving the past behind will be important There are many ways the principle of leaving will benefit your marriage. You leave these actions that broke your trust behind. Then you will do well to expand that to other areas where you will not bring up your pasts as ammunition to fire shots at each other. You will leave your relationship to your parents behind (and develop new relationships with them as adults to adults.) You will leave former romantic relationships before the marriage. You will leave things that really frustrate your husband or wife. You will leave former disrespect and get on with the new.

You forgive. You keep your word. You leave the past behind and then you make a new commitment or recommitment. What type of commitment is that?

Commit to Overcoming Your Differences

You commit to overcoming your differences. With an affair, you may have quarrelled over your differences in the past. Then one of you may have discovered someone who accepted you as you were. That temporary feeling of relief because of your similarities may have drawn you away from your spouse to the party outside your marriage.Mountain

We often say opposites attract. That is often true with personalities. Why is that? If is often because we see the strength of the other person’s personality type.

Each personality type, however, also has an accompanying weakness. After we marry, we see those weaknesses. Those differences sometimes cause frustration or conflict.

One very popular dating site has had great success because it strives to match the couples because of their similarities.

When you begin the process of rebuilding your marriage, it may seem like you are up against a mountain impossible to scale.

As you commit to overcoming your hurts, you might as well commit to overcoming your differences. In those cases, you realize that one is not better than the other–just different.

You commit to overcome. Sometimes you will take turns doing things together that one of you likes. The other one will try to learn about that activity. Sometimes you will allow the other one to spend time with his or her enjoyment without having to be together (just don’t let the amount of time you do this become excessive). Sometimes you will decide to something according to your husband’s or wife’s preference, even though your preference is different. There should be a balance in deciding to do this.

If you are rebuilding a marriage, commit to proper agreed-upon boundaries. Commit to the conditions for the offending party to be taken back. Commit to standing strong and holding each other accountable. Most of all, though, commit to doing whatever it takes to build a strong marriage.

Now, Start! Regain Trust in Marriage

We have seen four actions you can take to regain trust in marriage: forgiveness, keeping your word, leaving the past behind, and committing to doing whatever it takes to overcome the things that would destroy your marriage. That last action will lead to more actions.

Can you regain trust in marriage? Certainly! And, when you do, you will overcome both your fears.

I am curious: What other tips do you have for rebuilding trust in a relationship?

Tips to regain trust in marriage.