Edification Mistakes Christian Family Members Make – Part 2
This is the second in a four-part series on mistakes that Christian family members make, when dealing with one another, without realizing it. In the first part, I discussed the mistake of not knowing how fragile your family members are. You can read that post and watch the video here.
Today, I will be talking about the power of encouraging words.
A Lasting Impact
There was once a teacher who was concerned about some problems going on in her class. She came up with an assignment.
She began by giving each student a list of the names of all their classmates. She instructed the students to write down one good thing about each one in the class. The students turned in their assignments the following day. The teacher then compiled all the good things the children had written about one another, and gave the list to the respective student. She then moved on with her normal lesson plans for the rest of the year. Several years passed, and the teacher hadn’t thought much about the lists. Then, one of those students was killed in the Viet Nam war. The teacher, along with several students from that class, attended the visitation.
While talking and remembering, it was said that, among the soldier’s belongings, was the letter from the classmates listing his good qualities.
Once that was revealed, one by one, the other former students began saying, “I still have mine.” One said, “I look at mine at least once a week.” Another smiled and opened his wallet, and removed a tattered and taped piece of paper, showing that he, too, still had the letter from so long ago.
The teacher’s actions that day so long ago had a lasting impact on those students. It was evident by how many of them held on to and cherished the letters and the words written on them.
We see the power of encouraging words in examples such as these.
As I’ve said in previous blogs, the one about humility, for example, (read it here) supportive words and actions can go a long way and have a deep and lasting impact on the recipient. Words have the power to build up or tear down.
I’m sure we’ve all seen a child light up when a parent, teacher, or coach, tells them they did well, or praises their attitude, or congratulates them on a newly mastered skill. The encouragement makes the child want to try even harder, or repeat the action, or get even better at the skill.
Adults are no different. We all need to hear that we’re appreciated for who we are and what we do. We all need the encouragement of those we love and are closest to.
Husbands need to hear from their wives that they are proud of them, how hard they work, and how well they lead the family.
Wives need to hear from their husbands that they are pleased with the work she does, both in and out of the home. Wives need to be encouraged that they are doing well with the children and running the home.
Children need to know that Mom and Dad are proud of them and their efforts to learn, grow and improve.
Children need to communicate to their parents that they’re appreciative of the time, money, and effort that is put into their well-being and upbringing.
Not Just Blood Family
While the main focus of these posts is on blood-related family members, it’s important to note another family relationship. For those of us who are believers, our brothers and sisters in Christ are our family as well.
Those family members need support and encouragement as well. It’s easy to grow weary while serving Christ. Especially these days when we are under attack from so many directions. Discouragement and frustration can easily creep in. Just as it’s important to encourage our spouses and children, it’s important to lift up and exhort our pastors, deacons, elders, and other fellow believers.
Everybody needs encouragement and support from those around them. It’s so important to understand the power of encouraging words.
Thank you for reading. Please check out my other blog posts at Randy’s Blogs and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.
In my recent posts, I’ve discussed edification or encouraging one another in the family. Here, I’ll be talking about building up each other’s confidence. While I’ll be focusing on relationships between husbands and wives here, remember that the church is the bride of Christ, so this blog post can be applied to relationships within the church as well.
Philippians 1:3-6, 25 (MEV)
3 I thank my God for every reminder of you. 4 In every prayer of mine for you all, I have always made requests with joy, 5 due to your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now. 6 I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ. 25 Having this confidence, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your joyful advancement of the faith,
Definition of Confidence
Let’s start off by defining confidence. Merriam-Webster defines it as “a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstance” Another definition is “…feeling sure of yourself and your abilities — not in an arrogant way, but in a realistic, secure way. Confidence isn’t about feeling superior to others. It’s a quiet inner knowledge that you’re capable.”
Confidence is not just our own confidence, but who we are in the Lord and how the Lord can bless us. We should be able to lift others up within the Lord and that should bring confidence within our lives.
Problems From Lack of Confidence
A lack of confidence can cause missed opportunities. Feelings of inferiority can cause you to think you can’t do something, or shouldn’t try. Maybe you won’t go out for that promotion at work because you feel like you wouldn’t be able to handle the extra responsibility. Perhaps you decline an offer to teach a Sunday school class because you think you lack the necessary abilities. It’s important to take advantage of opportunities that come your way. No matter if you succeed or you fail, you will always learn something.
Personal growth can stall without confidence. For example, what if, in order to get a new job, you needed to go back to school? If you’re feeling less than adequate, you may miss out on furthering your education, not to mention a great new career. You will feel defeated before you even start, so, you may not start. That goes back to those missed opportunities. How many things have we missed out on because the words “I can’t” or “I’m not” ran through our minds? It was once said that the word “can’t ” should be removed from the dictionary.
I think the worst thing to come from a lack of confidence is the feeling of being worthless and feeling that no one cares. It can get to the point that it will pull a person down. If Satan can’t rob you of your knowledge of who Jesus is, he will try to rob you of your joy. He’ll rob you of thinking clearly and he will fill you with lies. Satan will gleefully remind you of your past failures. That robs us of the freedom we have, in Christ, from those failures. When Satan gets a foothold in your thoughts and keeps reminding you about your past, it steals your confidence, and you fall deeper and deeper into despair. The sadness turns into more self-deprecating thoughts, Satan gains ground and the cycle continues.
Let me begin by saying that I am in no way elevating myself. We all need to encourage one another.
Something I have always wanted to do is encourage my wife, Rhonda in her personal growth. She was once asked to speak at a Mother’s Day banquet. She had never really spoken like that before and was a little apprehensive. As a family, we encouraged her to speak. She did and was successful. Then word got out and another ladies’ meeting called and asked her to speak. We encouraged her to do that event also. Hopefully, that helped her develop some confidence
While living in Georgia, we started a Christian school. Rhonda hadn’t completed her education degree yet, but we felt like her main ministry should be at home during that time. She did come into the school once a week and started working with a reading program helping the children. She was also a monitor which is like a teacher’s aide. While helping out, I knew I could just ask her to do something and she’d understand what I needed.
Another time, I worked at Accelerated Christian Education (ACE). They did “Bible Time Boosters” which is similar to VBS. They asked her and another lady to work with the little ones. There were at least 35 children in the group. To get the kids to walk in line and stay together, they all had to hang on to a rope. When it came time for the closing program, her class’ turn came and she took the front of the rope, the children grabbed on, and the other teacher took the end and they did their program. When it was time to leave the teachers and children took the rope and went back to their spot. The rope trick really impressed a lady in the church named Mrs. Howard, who was in charge of many areas of the ministry. Later, she became president. When it came time to start the preschool program, they wanted someone to be in charge of the school. This school was to be the pilot program for the development of the curriculum, which would have a world-wide impact. Mrs. Howard asked me if Rhonda would be willing to do that. I would have encouraged Rhonda to do that, but we had already determined that her main ministry would be with our own preschoolers at home. Nevertheless, the idea of someone wanting her to head up the school was a big confidence builder for her.
Rhonda played the piano for her church as a teenager and she told me about a time that she couldn’t hold the foot pedal down because her knee was shaking so badly. But she’s practiced and played many times for our church and others and has gained confidence and been a blessing.
As a teacher, Rhonda’s confidence was in working with the smaller children. She worked with them for a while and was then asked to work with older children. It was intimidating to her, but she did it and gained confidence.
As a Sunday School teacher, again, her confidence was in working with children. But she’s taught young adults and adults and I’ve seen her confidence grow. I’ve just been trying to encourage her to grow.
My Personal Journey
Rhonda has encouraged me to grow and helped me gained confidence as well. She’s encouraged me to trust in the Lord, and I’m SO glad she was willing to do that. Our confidence in the Lord has grown through our lives because of our little, feeble faith that we started with that we could trust God when we couldn’t see what the next steps would be.
I was attending Seminary and had been a youth director at a church. That time was coming to an end, and it was time for me to graduate. The house we were living in did not belong to us, and we needed to move out because the new youth director and his family were going to be moving in. It got to the point where we had to be out in 6 days and didn’t know where we were going. I had sent out many letters all over the country telling them I was available to pastor.
I got a call from a church in Mt. Vernon, Illinois to preach a trial sermon. I went and spoke, but was not called by that church. That was not in God’s plan.
We got some replies from Georgia, and in that 6-day time frame, we went to one church, and I spoke. I was scheduled to speak the next week at a youth revival at another church in Georgia. After speaking at the first church in Georgia, we were headed back to Tennessee and were in prayer about what God wanted. We said if that first church called us, we would accept the call. Before we even got back to Tennessee, they had their meeting and called me as their pastor!
We loaded up and moved to Georgia. We pulled our U-Haul into one of the deacons’ yards with barely any time to spare and headed to the youth revival to fulfill that commitment.
Then we were going to start a Christian school but it all fell apart. I had already resigned from my church, and we had to be out of our house. The church people asked me if I had made a mistake. I said, “I don’t know. I don’t understand. I don’t know what’s happening. But, I’m pretty sure I was right to resign. I just don’t know yet what my next step is.”
They said they needed someone to fill in as pastor, so they asked if I would be willing to do that until I discovered my next step. I agreed, and they said my family and I could live in the parsonage until everything got sorted out. So, even though the direction wasn’t clear at that time, God still provided for our short-term needs.
That Sunday we went up to a Sword of the Lord conference in Atlanta. The regional coordinator from ACE was there, and I said, “It looks like we’re not going to start a school.” He said, “That’s OK. We can just keep everything on file and in the next 3 years the church there can start.” I started to walk away, and he asked if I needed a place to go. It had never occurred to me to tell anyone that I need a place to go. So, I told him that I did, and he told me he knew of a pastor who was wanting to start a school but didn’t have a principal or a supervisor and hadn’t sent anyone for training yet. Classes were supposed to start in a few weeks. So, it turned out that was the next step for us.
Through all this, Rhonda just went along with me, even though I couldn’t see clearly the direction that God wanted me to go. She got confirmation from the Lord along with me that He was doing something. Even though we couldn’t see it, we relied on Him and trusted Him. In our case, God seems to let us just barely hang on when things seem to be falling apart. We just cling tightly to our faith. Throughout our journey, Rhonda has encouraged me, and that has been a confidence builder for me.
Then, I worked for the International Institute, a college program for ACE, for a time. I then went back to southern Illinois and began a college there.
Things didn’t always turn out how we had planned, but no matter what, God worked through that, and people were blessed.
God Provides Confidence
We don’t know how big or small things will be, but they are never insignificant. God is faithful. He can instill the confidence in you, that when you take some steps, even if you can’t see how it will work out, God will come through and it will work out! Then, when you’re facing another time of uncertainty when you can’t see how it will work out, you will remember what God did before, and you ask Him to please do it again.
Rhonda and I decided that we wanted all our children to attend college. We didn’t know how we were going to pay for it, but we took a step of faith and enrolled them. Somehow, through God’s grace and provision, we made it.
We had one year when 3 of them were in college at one time. Our son, Rusty, was told by someone to apply for some scholarships. They scholarship providers didn’t know him and weren’t from our state. Rusty wouldn’t have had any idea about applying for those, but someone suggested he do so, and he got several scholarships out of that encounter. God works that way! He also provided jobs for them. That was the year that our income came up and was one of the highest we’ve had in our lives.
Then, Rusty decided that he was going to be a missionary to Japan. I said, “How are you going to get funding?” He went to area churches to get monthly funding. The mission board said he needed a budget of $108,000 a year. To us, in our area, it seemed excessive. But Rhonda and I took a trip to Japan and bought a watermelon while there, and it was $40, so we found out that level of funding was totally in line. But God made a way, and Rusty and his family were able to move to Japan, and he is still serving in the mission field today!
The Lord builds confidence in failures. Abraham Lincoln ran for office several times and didn’t get voted nt. Then, finally, he was elected the 16th President of the United States.
Encourage One Another
You can encourage one another. If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing poorly until you can do it well. You can encourage with that. Wives can encourage husbands. Perhaps the husband gets a new job and isn’t doing well in the beginning. She can encourage him by using that phrase and letting him know that she believes he will improve and be successful.
Encouragement Regardless of Personality Type
God can use every personality type. There are some people who are very driven and outgoing and will work to get things done. You can be thrust into leadership positions. You can be a follower. You can be the best support person you can be. But, there are also people who have milder personalities who can be leaders.
There is a spiritual gift of pastoring, but there are some pastors who do not have that spiritual gift. I am currently pastoring a church, but I don’t feel I have that spiritual gift. But I have learned that if God calls you to serve in a certain role, He will provide the necessary tools.
You may have that hard-driving personality, and God will cause things to happen because of your drive. You might have a milder personality. You might be introverted. In many companies, there are people that are introverted and quiet who are in positions of leadership, and people can’t figure out how they got there. The reason those kinds of personalities can be successful is that they are willing to put up with things that people with stronger personalities aren’t. God can take that and use that.
Whatever your spouse’s personality type is, please encourage them that God can use them.
I’m currently interested in Internet marketing and I’m trying to learn how to do that. My confidence grows each time I fail at that. I lean a little bit more each time I try. Maybe someday I’ll be a great Internet marketer and be telling you all how to succeed at doing that.
What Can Be if We Instill Confidence in Others
Think about what can take place if you build your confidence, and your family builds your confidence. You can begin to tackle new things, and you can see God do unusual things. You’d be willing to start without knowing what the next steps will be. You may be called to go to minister in a prison. You may be afraid, but you take a step and be willing to start. As you do this, you may appear to be more outgoing than you actually are. You may overcome some obstacles along the way, but you will recover from failures that you face.
Before Rhonda and I got married, I sang in a quartet. There was a song we sang that said:
When trouble is in my way, I can’t tell my night from day, When I’m tossed from side to side, Like a ship on a raging tide, I don’t worry I don’t fret. My God has never failed me yet. Troubles come from time to time, But that’s all right, I’m not the worrying kind because I’ve got confidence God is gonna see me through. No matter what the case may be. I know He’s gonna fix it for me. Job was sick so long Till the flesh fell from his bones. His wife, cattle, and children, Everything that he had was gone. But Job in he despair, He knew that God still cared, Sleepless days and sleepless nights, But Job said that’s all right because I’ve got confidence.
I pray that you will have it as part of your mission to instill confidence in those around you. My desire is to instill confidence in you so you can talk to people about your faith. I want you to be able to step out of your comfort zones. When asked to be a Sunday School teacher, you will accept and see where the Lord leads. When you see a challenge before you, I pray for you to realize that God has never failed you yet. Step out. Even if there’s a failure, you learn from it. I pray that in your life, failure is never a bad thing. Don’t let the failure go to waste. Learn from it and build your confidence.
Thank you for reading. For more posts like this, go to Randy’s Blogs. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel and my Rumble Channel.
Humility can bring about healing in our own lives, our marriages, and our Nation. Here, I will address the importance of humility, examples of humility, commands concerning humility, and the most important requirement of humility for us all.
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up. II Chronicles 7:14 If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
Marge and Mark
Marge and Mark were next door neighbors. Marge was in her back yard. Mark was in his. Their yards were separated by a tall hedge and they could not see one another. Marge, to herself, said, “I can’t do anything right! He never stands up for me. I’m always taken for granted. He doesn’t notice when I try to look good for him. He is SO arrogant. He never apologizes for anything! He never supports me when the children put me down.”
Imagine if Marge had felt appreciation or gratitude from her husband. How would her attitude be different? Instead of the frustration she was feeling, maybe she would have felt grateful for a husband who supported her and showed his love. Was her husband being arrogant, or just not paying attention? Either way, it’s obvious there was work to be done. Marge needed the support of her husband, and some
encouragement when she made extra effort to fix herself up. Dealing with the children alone was draining, and feeling like she had no one to back her up or stick up for her when they put her down was very hurtful. The whole home would have run more smoothly if Marge’s husband would have shown humility and stepped outside of himself for a few minutes and looked at things from Marge’s perspective. I’m sure she would have had feelings of admiration for her husband as opposed to the resentment her thoughts showed. She was working hard and did not feel the validation she needed.
Similarly, Mark was thinking to himself, “She doesn’t seem to think I know anything! I’m always taken for granted. She never says anything good about me in public. She never apologizes for anything! She never stands up for me when the children push against me. It would be nice to hear ‘thank you’ once in a while.”
Mark’s wife seemed wrapped up in her own world, her own self. Mark worked hard, both at his job and at home. He was skilled at many things, and knew how to do a lot. His wife never seemed to appreciate that. He felt beaten down and defeated. If his wife had taken the time to step out of herself and look at things through Mark’s eyes, she may have seen what her pride had done. Maybe she would have realized that he was a good provider, a good husband, and a good father. Maybe her heart would have been softened, and she would have apologized for how she had treated him, and how she had not taken his feelings into consideration. It could have been the beginning of a new commitment for her to be more appreciative of Mark, and to make sure to thank him for the things he did.
The Importance of Humility
A man once said, “There’s one thing that I’m better at than anyone else: being humble.”
Pride Brings Pain
Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
In both Marge’s and Mark’s houses, it seems there were people who were lifted up with pride.
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 25:24 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
There was a time when God commanded King Saul to take his army and totally and completely destroy the Amalekites. They were to take no prizes, trophies, or plunder. They were even commanded to kill all the livestock. This was to prevent anything from the pagan land from influencing His people.
Instead, they took some of the spoils. When Samuel returned, King Saul claimed to have done what was commanded. Samuel questioned him. What is the bleating of sheep and goats that I hear. King Saul continued in his lies, indicating that he kept the animals for sacrifice.
I Samuel 15:17 -19 So Samuel said, “When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel? And did not the Lord anoint you king over Israel? 18 Now the Lord sent you on a mission, and said, ‘Go, and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.’ 19 Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord? Why did you swoop down on the spoil, and do evil in the sight of the Lord?”
So, you can see that pride brings pain in our lives. In the case of our marriages, our own pride is a hindrance to helping our spouses to experience that feeling of value they deserve.
However, when we humble ourselves and get our eyes on others, we get into a better position to lift them up.
Humility Brings Joy
1 Peter 5:5-7 5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble. 6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
So, if you have cares, you can bring them to God. All you have to do is humble yourself under His mighty hand. Not only will you feel better, but you, yourself, will be lifted up in due time. Your humility will help you lift up your husband or wife, but it will also place you where God will eventually lift you up too.
II Chronicles 7:14 If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
Humility brings joy. It brings healing. Healing for our land, for our marriages, and for our lives.
John 9:33 33.Then He came to Capernaum. And when He was in the house He asked them, “What was it you disputed among yourselves on the road?” 34 But they kept silent, for on the road they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest. 35 And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” 36 Then He took a little child and set him in the midst of them. And when He had taken him in His arms, He said to them, 37 “Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me.”
I have an entire message on just this, called the Secret of Greatness. It can be summed up in just one sentence: The secret of greatness is humble service without thought of reward. That is what Jesus was talking about here.
Marge and Mark are good examples of what can happen if we don’t practice humility in our own lives. Resentment and hurt feelings arise. That’s just from the human standpoint. Relationships between one another are an important part of life. We want to go through life with people who appreciate and respect us, and we need to do the same.
Imagine if we all showed one another the grace that God shows us. How much more kind would we be to the cashier who made a mistake in giving us our change, or the driver who cuts us off in traffic? Imagine how our brothers and sisters in Christ could be lifted up and encouraged if we addressed them with humility and grace and love? If the humility is something we are the recipient of, imagine how encouraging that would be, and how much more joy and contentment we would feel in our lives. Pride can cause so many problems. Refusing to be humble can cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and sometimes much worse. The biggest reason to be humble, though, is because God commands it!
Examples of Humility
Numbers 12:3 Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth. Moses was leading millions of people. God used him to part the Red Sea, and all the children of Israel went across on dry ground.
Something I want you to understand is that humility does not mean being a doormat. We must humble ourselves in the sight of God. We can fall down before God in our feelings of unworthiness. We should be humble in our dealings with others. But humility does not equal weakness. Moses was very strong. In fact, he even had a problem with anger. His anger caused him to miss seeing the Promised Land when he struck a rock instead of speaking to it as God had commanded.
Of course, the greatest example of humlity is Jesus. He was King of the Universe, yet He humbled Himself, was born as a baby, and raised by humans. He knew hunger, thirst, criticism, and intense pain on the cross. He had the power of Heaven at his disposal and He chose humility. Humility is strength and power under control.
Luke 2:51 And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.
Joseph and Mary had lost Jesus. Imagine what it must have felt like–to have been given the responsibility to care for God’s only begotten son, and the lost Him!
When they found Him, He was in the temple talking with the doctors of the Law.
When they questioned Him, He told them that He must be about His Father’s business. Still, he went with them and was subject unto them. Here is the ruler of the universe deciding to be subject to human beings.
Notice He was subject to them even though He knew more than they did.
Not only that, He was subject to them even though they were sinful and He was not.
I John 3:16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
Jesus came to this earth and humbled himself. When they came to crucify Him, He allowed it to happen.
If the strong personalities of Moses and Jesus could humble them selves, surely we could temper our own selves.
Commands Concerning Humility
Ephesians 5:32-33 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
We need to value one another, and make one another feel valued. You are valuable to God. So much so that He sent His son, who was willing to take your sin upon Himself. God values you so much, he offers you the gift of eternity in Heaven. You are that valuable!
Scripture tells us to not grieve the Holy Spirit. We’re told that when we receive Christ, we receive the Holy Spirit. We also receive the fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness*, self-control. Against such there is no law. *Gentleness is the same as meekness or humility.
When we looked at the translations that said that Moses was the meekest man on the earth, we saw that alternate translations said the more gentle than others, and further that he was more humble than others. We see the synonyms: meekness, gentleness, and humility. Therefore, humility is a part of the fruit of the spirit.
How can we learn to be more humble? The Bible is the perfect place to start. Use a concordance or search engine and find scripture verses about humility. Write them in a notebook and keep them where you have your daily devotional. Read the verses daily. Commit them to memory. Another way is to look up…from the phone or computer, from the television, the book, paper, or anything else that takes your focus away from others. Look for needs around you. Look for the person who is hurting. Pay attention to words and actions. Not everyone who needs help will tell you. Pray and ask for wisdom and discernment in seeing people’s needs. Ask for guidance in how you can help. Be open to correction and direction. Remember that being humble is a fruit of the Spirit, a gift from God when we accept Jesus as Savior.
The Most Important Requirement of Humility for All of Us
We have to humble ourselves and admit that we have sinned in order to receive Christ. God requires it. If you are going to be saved, you can’t say, “I don’t need to be saved. I’ve done all these wonderful things. I’m better than that person over there” The Bible says in Romans 3:23 that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory.
Humbling yourself before God is the only way to get to Heaven. Why would God have sent His son, and why did Jesus lay down his life, if there were another way? Even Jesus Himself prayed to His Father, if there were any other way, to let the cup “pass from” Him.
The first step to salvation is to humble yourself before God. Acknowledge your sin, that you’ve gone your own way, and that you have pushed against God. Give yourself to Him, and He will fill you with His Spirit, and you will receive the Fruit of the Spirit.
Pride stands in the way of us lifting up our husband or wife. Humility will remove that barrier.
Humility then will heal our land, our marriages, and our lives.
If you enjoyed this marriage tip, you might like this one that talks about the power of overcoming.
How to write nonfiction – Turn your knowledge into words that can be shared in books and articles. Your life has given you a lot of experiences. From those experiences, you have gained knowledge. That knowledge can help people, and that’s what you want your book to do. But how do you go about putting that knowledge into words?
Writing From Mountains to Molehills
Several years ago, I wrote a book called From Mountains to Molehills: Overcoming and Celebrating Your Differences in Marriage.
The process of writing this book was easier than it was for some of the others That was because I already had some chapters written from a previous book that was divided into six parts.
I later decided to revise the original book, but then I decided instead to write a series of six books. Each new book corresponded to one of the parts in the original book. So, I had several chapters that related to that content that was about “Overcoming.” I think there were probably about 40 or 50 pages that came from those chapters. To come up with the new book, I thought more about the topic. How could I expand it from about five chapters to anywhere from 12 to 20 chapters? The final product ended up being 14 chapters after I got it all put together.
Then I thought more about what I had covered in the chapters that were in the “overcoming” part of the original book. As I thought about that, I looked for the gaps. What else did I need to talk about on that topic? Then I did research.
Part of that research involved putting out a survey, and surveying other books that related to this topic. Then I went back and filled in the gaps, and outlined those other chapters. Having completed that research, I was able to finish the book.
After that, I was able to go in and put in some of my own personal touches. I added some personal stories out of our own lives. Then, as I recall, I made up some fictional stories in that particular book and put those in at the beginnings of the new chapters. They were stories of Ralph and Elizabeth. Of course, Ralph and Elizabeth were not people that I really knew, rather they were composites of people who were experiencing the things that I was talking about.
Brainstorm What You Know
First of all, brainstorm what you already know. Just get a piece of paper, and start writing down ideas on that piece of paper. Set a timer for 15 minutes and write as quickly as you can. After the timer goes off, set it again if the ideas are still flowing. Keep doing this until things slow down and you run out of ideas. At this point, things will not necessarily be in order. After that, one of the ways that you can handle that brainstorming and reorganizing would be to put little symbols beside the topics. For instance, sometimes I put a little box beside sentences or phrases that are similar. Next, I find another group of similar phrases or sentences, and I put a circle beside those to differentiate between them and those with the boxes. You can think of other symbols for that purpose. I remember using a triangle one time when I did that. I also remember using a 5-pointed star, and an asterisk. I was able to group those ideas together. So you use a process like that to brainstorm what you already know.
Look for the Gaps
Then, you try to find the gaps. Ask yourself, “Will this cover the topic? Will this give my audience the help that they really need?” Once you answer those questions, you can do further research.
Research for Info to Fill the Gaps
When you find the areas where the information is lacking, it’s time to research your topic. With that added information, you can come up with chapters to fill in the gaps.
Get the Rough Draft Done
The next step is the most important: Get the rough draft down, just get a draft down. In most cases, that will help.
Some people are really good at writing and editing the same day. If you do that, then you just need to have a word count for each day. Others do really well by just rough drafting each day until they’ve got the whole book done. Sometimes those people use a timer, and write those sections until the timer goes off. They have a time goal for the day instead of a word-count goal. Then they go back and do the editing and refining. Either way though, get the rough draft down.
In some of the coaching that I do, I help people with writing rough drafts of books. I have two different methods of fast writing that can be used. I also have two different methods of how they can “talk” their content out. They can utilize their phone, even do a live video like my “Walking with Randy” videos. They have an outline, and speak the book. There are two different methods for doing that, but going into more detail goes beyond the scope of this blog post.
So, you brainstorm, fill in the gaps, research, and get the rough draft down. After that, you make it even more interesting.
Add Your Personal Touches and Stories
Go in and add your own personal touches and stories. Now the stories don’t all have to be yours, they can be stories of other people (with their permission to tell their stories). But, tell your stories where you can. That adds the personal touch. You can also make up stories that are actually composites of people you know. That’s what I did in the case of Ralph and Elizabeth.
You have knowledge, and you have knowledge that will be helpful to other people. I hope that this blog post will help you to be able to turn your knowledge into written words.
So, how to write nonfiction-turn your knowledge into the words. Again, I hope this has been helpful to you.
I will remind you that you can go to Randy’s blogs.com to get more writing tips like these. If you are already on the blog, you can click on the “Writing” tab on this page.
You can also get videos like this on YouTube. I would even recommend that you subscribe to my YouTube channel to get a sample of more videos like these. if you are a subscriber, on a rainy day, you can binge watch the whole set!
Why I wrote the book From Mountains to Molehills, Overcoming and Celebrating Your Differences in marriage: “You can’t live with ’em, and you can’t live without ’em” is an often expressed sentiment in many marriages. In some marriages, though, that “You can’t live with ’em” aspect can turn into conflict, then combat, and then a full-blown war. In this article, we will look at tips every married couple needs to know.
The Number One Major Adjustment Every Married Couple Will Face
One reason I wrote the book is that discovering your differences is a major adjustment every married couple will soon face after they are married. This can be anything as simple as which side of the bed they prefer to issues as complex as spending habits and finances. But with the proper tools, married couples can learn to overcome, and even celebrate, these differences.
The TRUTH About the Idea that Opposites Attract
We know that it seems like opposites attract. We’ve often been told that, and it is often true. The reason is we look at someone who has an opposite personality trait, and we admire the strengths they have. We especially do that when we wish we had those strengths ourselves.
The same is true in the area of spiritual gifts. When someone has a different spiritual gift from ours, we often admire the positive aspects of that gift. Opposites do attract. Before we are married, we often focus on those strengths. But then after we’ve been married for a while, we began to realize that with every strength there is an accompanying weakness. We focused only on the strengths before. But after marriage, we discover those weaknesses. It doesn’t take long till we might start focusing upon the weaknesses.
Why We Think Differently – Tips for Beginning Married Couples
This book helps us understand why we have different ways of thinking. In it, we discuss contributing factors such as personality traits and personality differences.
We also see how birth order affects how we think. Being a first-born, middle child, or youngest shapes our thoughts and actions.
Then for those of us who are Christians, we discuss the characteristics of different spiritual gifts. These gifts can also have an effect on how we view and act in our relationships with others.
The Real Reason Why We Sometimes Resort to Combat
When we encounter differences in our marriages. We often want to advocate for our own positions. That is when combat comes in. Also as we encounter those differences in our marriage, we form a perception of them being extremely different. In our minds, it’s like trying to climb a mountain to overcome those situations.
By looking at the disagreement from within ourselves, it can appear insurmountable. We always want to feel like we are right in our wants and desires. After all, we’ve spent a lifetime developing them. Taking the time to step outside ourselves and view the conflict from another point of view allows us to see more clearly.
What Every Couple Needs to Remember About Fireworks
So when we celebrate on the Fourth of July, we often see glorious beautiful fireworks. But sometimes we forget that those fireworks are born out of a full-blown war. When we fail to deal properly with our differences in marriage. We can advocate for positions so strongly that it comes to an area of combat in marriage. That can end up going into a full-blown war too.
We want to get to the point where our differences can result in celebrations for us to consider instead of firing mortars at each other.
The Blessing of Understanding
I encourage us, who are married, to continue to study that complex creature to whom we have committed our lives. As we do that, we will discover not only the strengths we were attracted to at the beginning, when we were dating. But, we will continue to discover many, many more wonderful traits as we go through our journey.
We just need to do our best to understand each other as we engage in this wonderful thing called marriage. We also need to understand that very often our differences are not in the category of one being better than the other. One is not better than the other. They are just different. When we learn to approach our differences in that fashion, that technique helps.
Here is the book.
If you would like to go look at it on amazon.com, click here. On the way, I will invite you to sign up to receive information by email if you desire.
Right now, if you’d like more marriage tips like these, you can click on the marriage tab at the top of the page. You can see video tips too by clicking here.
I will close by inserting a couple of paragraphs from the book:
“When we allow each other to be who we truly are, and when we learn to limit our liberty and show deference to each other, we can come to the point of having a tolerable marriage. Then, as we perfect this process, we can laugh at our differences. We can ‘cut each other some slack.’ We can pursue our own interests while allowing our spouses to do the same. We don’t want to lead completely separate lives, so we want to support our mates in their unique interests. We want to learn about those and spend some time sharing in those areas. Now we’re getting into the “how-to.” You will see more of that in the pages of this book.
“So, when faced with our differences, we can become combative, or we can step back and find different ways to deal with those differences and the frustrations they may cause. We can support our partners in their unique interests and personality traits; realizing one is not necessarily better, but just different. When we do that, instead of engaging in combat, we can come to the point of tolerating and moving on to celebrating our differences. We will move from engaging in combat to watching glorious fireworks. When that happens, we will have turned our ‘Mountains’ into ‘Molehills.’
Forced into doing things we are not used to describes the year 2020 for most of us. Video for blog posts is something that some of us discovered as a transferable skill that resulted from us meeting a need during the pandemic.
Along with being a speaker, writer, and book-writing coach, I serve as a bi-vocational minister. Several of my friends in this same category got thrust into some new experiences.
Many of us, as a precautionary measure, quit worshiping at our local churches for a while. That is when many of us started doing online services. I already had a YouTube channel and some experience producing my own videos. Others, though, learned how to do this for the first time.
The Background of the Transferable Skill of Using Video for Blog Posts
I had some experience with Facebook Live, but, as often happens, I had to learn the process all over again in order to record some of our messages. For a while, that was simply done in my home office, but when we decided to return to our church, we continued broadcasting live through Facebook.
Apart from that, I have a wonderful assistant who helps me carry out many tasks that can be time consuming. So, after I learned how to transfer the FB Live videos to YouTube, I trained her in that process too.
We edit the live recording to shorten it somewhat, and to remove any copyright claims for the wider YouTube audiences.
I know I can include the YouTube videos here on this blog, but I wondered if a link could go directly to the Facebook Live video from over a week ago too.
Trying the Temporary Links for Using Video for Blog Posts
So, here goes the experiment.
First, we will include the YouTube video. Some like for me to have these replays up anyway.
Here is the video from a week or two ago:
Here is a listing of that same link:
Now, here is the attempt to go to the original Facebook Live version:
I guess one way to check this is to publish it temporarily, and then come back and finish editing the bog post.
Since I am writing in real time, let me just say, “I will be back in a minute.” 🙂
I left and published temporarily and both of the links worked. So, you can use Facebook Live videos as well as YouTube links. (I will have to keep checking back to see how long the Facebook video links will work.)
Using Facebook Live to Produce Video for Blog Posts
How To Use Facebook Live To Get More Traffic To Your Website could be an alternate heading for this section.
Facebook Live is a quick and easy way to produce a video for a blog post that assists Internet marketers to get more traffic to their websites.
The bottom line here is that this is a quick way to produce a video for your blog post. Doing this gives you an almost unfair advantage. You will get more traffic to your website over other Internet marketers by inserting videos into your blog posts.
All Internet marketers should check out this tool because using it is a very quick way to produce videos. Once the video processes where it comes up when you open up Facebook, all you have to do is copy the url and use it as a link to a picture in your blog pos
Here’s why Facebook Live is so important…
You can start on an article, cut away to do a video, and then come right back.
How can you get started with video very quickly?
Go to your Facebook page
Click on the “Live Video” link
Your camera will come on and you will see yourself in the lower right corner
About half-way down on the left side of the page, you will see the word, “post”
You can go down two items below that and click on the down arrow to choose to share to your timeline, to a page you manage, or to a group
I would recommend putting in a title, but it is optional
Then put in a short description
When you are ready, click on “Go Live.”
After your presentation, click on “finish,” and then choose where you want to share the video on Facebook.
Wait a while for the video to show up on Facebook where you shared it
Start the video, and copy the url from the top of the page
Then you can place that link in your blog post
And the great news is, this incredible tool costs nothing at present.
You can check out this quick way to produce a video for a blog post by going to your own Facebook page.
If you would like more tips on writing, click here.
Let me tell you a quick story about something that happened about two weeks after I got married… and what you can learn from it. It may help you find the real trick to keeping peace in your marriage.
A Surfacing Problem
I didn’t notice it much at first, but after brushing my teeth for fourteen days, I realized my wife had a habit of squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle. I always squeezed it from the bottom.
My theory was that you could get more out of the tube by
getting it all from the bottom and working your way to the top.
Rhonda evidently was not enlightened.
I told her about my preference, but it didn’t really seem to
make much difference.
I also found that she wanted the roll of toilet paper to
hang down the front instead of hanging down the back.
I didn’t really care, just as long as the roll was there. So, at least I didn’t compound the problem.
The modern toothpaste manufacturers have helped many marriages because the plastic tube bounces back into shape pretty easily. Not so, when we first got married. The toothpaste tubes back then seemed to be sort of a flexible metallic material that looked like stiff aluminum foil underneath the paint. They just stayed in whatever shapes you left them after the squeeze. I have to admit it really frustrated me.
A Funny Answer for Keeping Peace in Your Marriage
A few years later, one of our cousins got us a Christmas
present that was called a “Marriage Saver.”
It looked kind of like a clothespin. You attached it to the
bottom of the toothpaste tube, and rolled it up as you continued to use it. I
liked it because it was basically following my preference. Rhonda went along
The gift was sort of a joke, but I have surveyed many audiences during marriage seminars, and they seem be about half and half on the preferences of which way you should squeeze the toothpaste tube, or how you position the toilet paper rolls.
A Good Take Away
The thing I really want you to take away from this is: Sometimes we all need to realize that husbands and wives do have different preferences, and they need to work through how they will handle them. Learning to handle these differences can lead to the real trick to keeping peace in your marriage.
However what this means to you in your marriage is we all
need to realize that some of our preferences don’t amount to as much as we
think they do.
You may have discovered some differences of opinion in your marriage. So here’s your next step as it relates to what I just shared: If you really want harmony in your marriage, buy the book, From Mountains to Molehills, so you can overcome and celebrate your differences in marriage.
If you would like more articles like these on marriage, Click Here.
Product: Three Options, Audio Files, Tele-Boot Camp, Private Sessions Price: $69.95 Audio, $179/mo. for 3 months, or $875+ private sesseions Review Focus: The Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, $179/mo 3 times My Rating: 9.9 out of 10
Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Program – Product Overview
This Marriage Fitness review features Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Program.
The Tele-Boot camp includes 7 Teleconference calls. These are the heart of the customization of this program to your situation. During each hour-long call Mort conducts an open-mic Q and A teleconference. You can listen for answers if you wish. Better yet, you can ask your own specific questions. If you can’t make the scheduled, you can listen to the recorded sessions.
In addition to the tele-conferences, you will have access to a solutions library of audio files. This is the most comprehensive marriage-crisis audio library in the world. Whatever your problem, the solution is here. Got a question? You’ll find the answer here too. There are 162 audio files searchable by topic. Just click, listen, and you’ll go from confused and frustrated to clear and calm. User feedback indicates that the most compelling and solution-oriented content is here. Many users listen to these audio files multiple times.
Then there is a 15-part audio learning system in a designated sequence rather than wide array of topic in the solutions library. Choose between CDs or instant digital online access. This audio series will answer every question you have about how to transform your marriage. And you’ll get step-by-step instructions on how to turn your marriage around.
Accompanying the 15-part audio learning system is a 200 page workbook and personal journal.
Further, you receive an autographed copy of Mort’s book, Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building and Maintaining Phenomenal Love.
You will receive 7 key Homework Assignments, an Implementation Schedule, and 5 Marriage Assessments.
All of the materials can be accessed through a special members-only website.
Benefits of Identification
Concerning Your Marriage, Have You Ever Heard or Felt the Following:
Have you wondered how you can fix the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” declaration?
We’ve tried counseling, but all we do is fight about the past
I really wish there was a way to wipe the slate clean
We need to find a way to rekindle “Desire” in our marriage
My spouse doesn’t trust me anymore. How can I fix that?
How do I know if I married the right person
How can I get my spouse to change?
Benefits of Practical Solutions
The Marriage Fitness Program has 90% success rate. Instead of spending hours dealing with the past, you will find practical techniques that will bring hope in the following areas:
How to increase the effectiveness of your marriage
How to forgive and be forgiven
How to get over the past
How to reconnect with your spouse
How to work on your marriage even if your spouse is resistant by using “The Lone Ranger Track”
How to ruin their affair if your spouse is involved in one
How avoid a separation or stop a divorce
Pros and Cons
Focuses on Present Solutions, not dwelling on past mistakes
Author and wife discovered the techniques while rescuing their own marriage
There is a track for one spouse when the other will not participate
Except for the one-on-one in-person counseling, the cost is relatively low compare to long periods of traditional counseling
Is an alternative to traditional marriage counseling
Has three different levels of participation to meet differing budgets
Has a 90% success rate
Is not traditional counseling — Some may feel the need for the traditional route
The in-person meetings are quite expensive
When the other spouse is not on board, the program will likely take longer
The least expensive option does not have the interactive features that the recommended option has
Those who are not “teachable” are likely to fail because of not giving the techniques a fair chance
Not everyone will have the technology to receive the full benefits of the Tele-Boot Camp Option
It’s Conclusive For Me: Marriage Fitness Is an Outstanding Product
I certainly like this product. The principles are common-sense items. The cost is truly low enough that it would be worth the try for anyone who strongly desires improve or restore his or her marriage.
I attended the funeral of Tom Julian this afternoon. He was a man for whom I have a great deal of respect.
Tom and his wife, Wava, were good friends with my parents. They often visited and played games together.
That meant that their children and I were good friends too. We played together while our parents were playing games. I remember their oldest son, Danny, had all kinds of cool stuff. He had an erector set and a reel to reel tape recorder (It may not have exclusively been his, but I remember us playing with it.)
Danny and Patty and their younger sister, Kathy were closer in age to me. We remember going on camping trips with our parents. Brian and John came along later, so I did not know them as well.
Kathy remembers liking my comic book collection. She would borrow some and give them back the next time we visited. She especially liked the Archie comics.
I remember Tom being a man of integrity, a good carpenter and woodworker (although his occupation was coal miner). He even made their own pop-up camper. I also, however, remember him as a man who was faithful in church.
I told his older children, whom I knew well because they were closer to my age, “I don’t know if it was his Christianity showing through, or what, but I always thought of him as being a man that displayed a quiet air of respect.” They agreed.
How this relates to my business interests is that displaying respect always pays off. Also, in the series of books I am writing on marriage, I talk about the importance of respect. That will be highlighted in the next book in the series, book 3, which will emphasize the importance of valuing each other.
How long can you hold your breath? Although world records for holding a person’s breath underwater exceed 20 minutes, the average person can hold his or her breath for about two minutes. Navy SEALs report holding their breath for two or three minutes. Those who break the records spend time breathing oxygen before they try to accomplish those amazingly long times of performance. The thing is: you can be told not to breathe, but your body won’t let you do that for very long. If you have experienced a severe breakup or a rift in your relationship with your spouse, you may be told to leave the past behind, but that is like being told not to breathe! How to leave the past behind is all important.
Would you like to know how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover’s rejection…even if your situation seems hopeless? T-Dub Jackson tells just how to do that.
When such a situation is not resolved, then one of the parties leaves or sometimes there is a mutual parting of ways. However, after a while, you realize that situation is so much worse than staying together to resolve the conflict.
One of the things that is important in bringing about such a reconciliation is to approach the attempted resolution from a position of strength. You may feel like groveling, promising anything, not considering whether you could keep such a promise. It is important then not to smother your ex, and sniveling weakness will not be attractive.
When you work on yourself and begin to know that you will be able to approach life as a better person, whether the relationship is ever resolved, you become more attractive to your ex. In order to do that, you have to learn how to leave the past behind.