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Overcoming Obstacles to Success – Reflections on the Way to a Speaking Engagement

Overcoming obstacles to success came to my mind on the way to, and following, a speaking engagement.

Occasionally, I meet with a group of pastors for breakfast. Those are always great times of fellowship.

Overcoming Obstacles to Success - Reflections on the Way to a Speaking Engagement
Water Across the Road: A Major Obstacle

A couple of months ago, Harlen Johnson, the moderator of the East Central District Quarterly Meeting asked me If I had plans for Saturday, January 11. He then asked if I would speak on the day of their quarterly meeting. I checked my calendar, and I was glad to accept.

We reconfirmed the next time we ate breakfast together. Then he said he got a text from one of the men in his church saying that it looked a little like the weather might be dicy that day. So, he asked if I would also be able to come the following Saturday if they had to cancel that day. I said I could, so I penciled in the next Saturday, hoping that it would become available when I got to keep the first date.

Two days before the event, we confirmed we were having it on the original date. The weather was not predicted to be the best, but it was mainly going to be a rain event and not one of ice and snow.

Oak Valley church is just a little over 60 miles north. It could take any from somewhere between an hour and an hour and-a-half to get there, depending which route I took. I had directions for a safer route, but I opted for the shorter route that was listed on the GPS program.

I knew that could be dangerous. The road could be blocked at some point because of the abundance of rain we had the night before. It was not storming, but the rain was still gently coming down too.

Would I make it? Would I have to call and tell them I would be late? Would I have a cell-phone signal if I had to make that call?

It turns out that there was only one spot where water was coming across the road. The weather forecasters always tell us not to drive through water because even as little as four inches can sweep a car across the road. I had to take a calculated risk. It really was not much of a risk at all. I could that there were no strong currents, and the water appeared to only be about a half-inch deep, if that. I made it fine.

I was speaking on Jeremiah 14, and one of the things mentioned in that passage was that of natural disasters.

I was reminded that earlier this year, just south of where I live, there were communities devastated by floods–natural disasters.

Reflecting on this for the business world, when a natural disaster hits a business, there are two options. First, you can rebuild. Secondly, you can regroup and move on.

Unfortunately, there is a third option, and that is to quit altogether.

Among others, there are three major obstacle to success in business. One of the major ones is to quit. Many times, if we could have seen the future, we would have realized that success was just around the corner. It does take a while for the cumulative effect of your efforts to see fruit. Though none of can see the future. Many successful people have the opinion that others quit too easily or too quickly.

Another obstacle is that of fear. I could have allowed the fear of driving through the water keep me from getting to my destination on time. I am grateful that it was easy to see, in this case, that my fear was groundless. How many people are there who miss their dreams because of fear of failure?

A final obstacle is the perception that I don’t have time to pursue my dreams. That can be a tricky one, depending on how many present commitments you have. However, the way to overcome this is to establish whether your dream is a priority in your life. If it is, you will find things to let go in order to carve out time for new things in your life, such as that dream business. Most of us can also benefit from time-management techniques.

I run across many people who would like to write books. In fact, surveys have shown that over 80% of the poplulation would like to write a book. Yet, far less than 10% ever accomplish that goal.

Would you like “Time Management Tips for Writers”? Just tell me where to send it below:




Happy day! Happy life! Happy Business!

Plough through your obstacles!

Until next time,

Randy

P.S. I listed three obstacles to success. What are some that you see? Please comment below.

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Life Is Short – Time Management Techniques and Strategies for Writers

I have three friends who have reminded me that time is short – even when it might seem long. Each reminded me of the need for making the most of the time we have. Since I am a writer and some of you are writers, this concept reinforces even more the need for time management techniques and strategies for writers.

Time management techniques and Strategies for Writers

First, my friend, Roger, with whom I have gone on several missions trips for the ministry of which he was director, had a heart catheterization a couple of days ago. The doctors said his heart is strong, but there were some other issues that would continue to give him some problems. He is still with us, and he even said, “I’ll probably see you Thursday.”

Thursday is when we meet together with a prayer- and Bible-study group. Then after that, I always say, “is when we have the real meeting.” Several of us follow up by eating breakfast together.

Then I had another friend, Jim, who had some heart problems last year, received word later in the year that certain tests showed a high likelihood of cancer. He went back for another test, and the indicators were not as great. So, the doctors then wanted him to have an MRI that would be very specific to their suspicions.

When Jim met with the doctor for the results, the doctor said, “I don’t know how to explain it, but the results are zero.” Jim said he knew how to explain it because many people, and especially his wife, had been praying for him!

Last Sunday we went to the memorial service for Aunt Dorothy, my wife’s aunt who passed away. You see Aunt Dorothy was able to stay in her own home until she passed away. In a couple of weeks, she would have been 100. She said, after a visit to the doctor, “No one knows how much time they have.”

None of us know how much time we have, so we should make the best of the days we do have.

In order to beat the enemy of procrastination, writers have to set up deadlines. If they don’t have those, they may never get done. They can be self imposed or they can be put in place by a publisher.

I would like to give you a free gift, “Time Management for Writers.” Get it quickly because I am going to have to shorten the report. Many of my friends tell me that I have “given away the farm” with this report. In fact one friend put the info in place and finished his book. That is great, but, really I am offering a coaching program that will walk others through the process of getting their dream books done. Some will get this report and still want the extra benefits of coaching, but, like I say, there is enough here to help you get your book done. Just fill out the info below to sign up.




Now, if you wait till the report is revised, you will still get a great value. It’s just that I probably won’t give away the farm completely forever.

Go here to check out some more about writing your book.

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Avery’s Money Pizza

Would You Like to Have Money So Plentiful That Getting More Would be Like Picking up a Pizza?

Yesterday, we went to my grandson’s, Avery’s, seventeenth birthday party. Here is a picture of him with Rhonda and me. He has passed both of us in height!

Avery with Randy and Rhonda
He Doesn’t Even Have His Shoes On!

We wanted to give some money for a gift, but Rhonda got a little creative after seeing a post on Facebook or Pinterest.

She had been in Marion for a ladies’ seminar planning meeting, and on the way home she went through the drive-through of a local pizza place. She told the girl helping her what she was planning because she had asked if she could jut buy a box with nothing in it. After she told the young lady what she was going to do, the girl grinned and blurted out,

“Oh, Will you be my Grandma!”

Avery’s Money Pizza

Here is a picture of the present we gave Avery.

Admittedly, they were just all $1 bills, but I think he liked it very much.

Wouldn’t it be great if making money were as easy as investing 65 cents in a pizza box and then receiving 15 times that in return.

In our case, the love of family is greater than finances, but finances do help!

Several years ago, I started experimenting with making money online through internet marketing. One of the ways to do that is through affiliate marketing, and the best place I found to learn how to do that is a site called, “Wealthy Affiliate.”

I started taking the training and working with the program. Before long, I had enough coming in from affiliates to cover the cost of my program.

I was still working my “Day Jobs” and doing my other ventures of writing books and doing some public speaking. I also continued as a bivocational minister. Each time the revenue from those online ventures increased, my “day jobs” picked up. For instance I started as a part-time adjunct professor at the start of a new college and moved through the ranks to become the provost before I left. Those claims on my time caused me to be work less on my online ventures, but I kept learning.

Since I “retired,” I am getting back into the swing of things and am enjoying it vary much. During that time with the college, I finished books nine and ten of my writing projects, and am currently working on a collaborative book.

I am offering coaching for those who would like to be writers, and in the next few weeks, I will be offering a course on writing. For those of you interested in the personal coaching options, you can click here.

My your days be prosperous and your times with family filled with joy.

Wishing you the best in 2020,

Randy

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A Quiet Air of Respect

I attended the funeral of Tom Julian this afternoon. He was a man for whom I have a great deal of respect.

Tom and his wife, Wava, were good friends with my parents. They often visited and played games together.

Tom Julian – A Man of Integrity and Respect

That meant that their children and I were good friends too. We played together while our parents were playing games. I remember their oldest son, Danny, had all kinds of cool stuff. He had an erector set and a reel to reel tape recorder (It may not have exclusively been his, but I remember us playing with it.)

Danny and Patty and their younger sister, Kathy were closer in age to me. We remember going on camping trips with our parents. Brian and John came along later, so I did not know them as well.

Kathy remembers liking my comic book collection. She would borrow some and give them back the next time we visited. She especially liked the Archie comics.

I remember Tom being a man of integrity, a good carpenter and woodworker (although his occupation was coal miner). He even made their own pop-up camper. I also, however, remember him as a man who was faithful in church.

I told his older children, whom I knew well because they were closer to my age, “I don’t know if it was his Christianity showing through, or what, but I always thought of him as being a man that displayed a quiet air of respect.” They agreed.

How this relates to my business interests is that displaying respect always pays off. Also, in the series of books I am writing on marriage, I talk about the importance of respect. That will be highlighted in the next book in the series, book 3, which will emphasize the importance of valuing each other.

To see some more marriage resources, click here.

That is a great summary of Tom’s “Life in a Day!”

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A Life in the Day

Happy New Year!

The Life of Riley … or, Could it be Randy?

I know. I know. You’re thinking the title is a misprint. It should be “A Day in the LIfe.” Well, that phrase has already been used.

When you think about it, though, time is where our life occurs.

This section will be the blog-like journal for my life. It shows the regular goings on and then I will attempt to show how those happenings relate to my business life too.

As most of you know, my life revolves around writing, speaking, coaching, and bi-vocational ministry. Above all of that in the world of priorities is my family, and, even above that, my relationship with God.

Some of you may be old enough to remember the old sitcom that was titled The Life of Riley, starring Wiliam Bendix. The opening of the show, had a cartoon-like drawing of Riley in his hammock. Maybe I should have a picture of me in my hammock. I do have one.

We live on a farm, and I affectionately call it “The Carney Rezoit.” When people visit, they sometimes comment on how quiet and peaceful it seems. We do have a three-acre pond not far from our front door. My Mom said it was just large enough to be called a lake. The fishermen usually say, “It wouldn’t do for me to live here. I would be out there all the time.” I usually just smile, but inwardly I suspect they would be just like I am. It doesn’t seem like there is time to ‘be out there all the time.’ At least we do get to look at it every time we go out the front door.

Some of you may come to this website because you are interested in writing a book. That is something I can help you with. Others of you may be here because you are interested in speaking and making money in that regard. I can help with that too. Some of you may want to be life coaches or success coaches. I can also point you in that direction. Others of you have indicated interest in having sparkling  marriages. You will find links to resources for that too. Some of you may interested in keeping up with me in general. This is the place where that info will be found.

I am retired, sort of. Hence “The Life of Riley/Randy” reference. Really, I think retirement should just be a synonym for the next stage of ministry in a person’s life. People ask me how I stay busy. I don’t know how I had time to go to work before. I fill in for churches quite a bit, and I am serving as an interim pastor right now.

I just finished the rough draft for a new book that is a collaborative work, which has been a new experience. The three authors are quite busy, and it has been very difficult to coordinate. However, we are pushing toward getting that project finished in just a few months. The other two authors are co-hosts of a popular TV program, and that keeps them hopping.

Since I mentioned marriage above, one of the things that keeps me busy is writing about marriage and pointing others to good resources.

Check out my latest Review of “The Magic of Making up.”

See ya’ later,

Randy

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How to Leave the Past Behind and Experience the Magic of Making Up

Would you like to know how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover's rejection...even if your situation seems hopeless? It's like being told not to breather.
How long can you hold your breath?

How long can you hold your breath? Although world records for holding a person’s breath underwater exceed 20 minutes, the average person can hold his or her breath for about two minutes. Navy SEALs report holding their breath for two or three minutes. Those who break the records spend time breathing oxygen before they try to accomplish those amazingly long times of performance. The thing is: you can be told not to breathe, but your body won’t let you do that for very long. If you have experienced a severe breakup or a rift in your relationship with your spouse, you may be told to leave the past behind, but that is like being told not to breathe! How to leave the past behind is all important.

Would you like to know how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover’s rejection…even if your situation seems hopeless? T-Dub Jackson tells just how to do that.

When such a situation is not resolved, then one of the parties leaves or sometimes there is a mutual parting of ways. However, after a while, you realize that situation is so much worse than staying together to resolve the conflict.

One of the things that is important in bringing about such a reconciliation is to approach the attempted resolution from a position of strength. You may feel like groveling, promising anything, not considering whether you could keep such a promise. It is important then not to smother your ex, and sniveling weakness will not be attractive.

When you work on yourself and begin to know that you will be able to approach life as a better person, whether the relationship is ever resolved, you become more attractive to your ex. In order to do that, you have to learn how to leave the past behind.

I mentioned T Dub Jackson a minute ago. Check out my review of his product, The Magic of Making Up, to find out more about how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover’s rejection…even if your situation seems hopeless.

Here are some tips for leaving the past behind:

  • Realize why it is important to leave the past behind
  • Realize that you need to work on yourself, regardless of the circumstances
  • Realize that life will go on
  • Try to remove yourself from emotion and look at things objectively
  • Realize what mistakes you have made and take steps to correct them.

T Dub tells how thousands of people have been able to make such corrections and get back together.

Beside The Magic of Making Up, another resource that may help is 21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage.

To the best of your ability, put the past behind you and move toward a better future.

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The Magic of Making Up Review – Tips for a Better Relationship

The Magic of Making Up - The Path to a Restored Relationship

My Ratings: 9.8 out of 10

Product: The Magic of Making UP
Price: $39.99
Product Specifications: Digital Product 62 Page PDF
Price: $39.00
My Rating: 9.8 out of 10

The Magic of Making Up, Product Overview

The Magic of Making Up is a quality 62-page ebook in PDF format filled with content that his helpful for the process of restoring a relationship.

While the subtitle of this post, “Tips for a Better Relationship” is certainly true. The fact is there will be no relationship if you can’t get back with your Ex. Following the principles in “T-Dub’s” book will not only restore your relationship in most cases, but you will come out of the process as a stronger individual.

Benefits of Being Understood

Since you are concerned about the process of making up, many of the following items may be things you identify with.

Do you find yourself involved in the following:

  • Binge eating to bring comfort to your soul
  • Flooding your Ex with calls and texts, maybe even to the point of “terrorizing” them
  • Thinking non-stop about why he or she really left you
  • Endlessly thinking about what you should have said
  • Regardless of your intention, seemingly making your Ex more and more angry and defensive
  • Feeling massively depressed
  • Apologizing profusely for everything and begging to be taken back

Benefits of Hope

The Magic of Making Up brings much hope because within its pages you will learn how to:

  • Get your head on straight by using the Fast Forward Technique
  • Tap into the one-thing men desire most to keep them from being further attracted to someone with whom they may have had an affair
  • Give your wife what she needs most in order to get her back and to keep her from being further attracted to someone with whom she may have had an affair or to someone she may fantasize about having an affair with
  • Know when to apologize, and when not to apologize
  • Start over with a clean slate, and to end up with a stronger relationship than ever before
  • Diffuse arguments before they start and get back together without fear of returning to a former fighting relationship
  • Recapture the romance you had when your love was brand new
The Magic of Making Up - The Path to a Restored Relationship
The Magic of Making Up – The Path to a Restored Relationship

Pros and Cons

Pros

  • Not written by a professional counselor, but by an author with much real-world experience
  • Thousands have been helped by the content within this product
  • Relatively low cost compared to the cost of counseling
  • Follows the techniques of Love Must be Tough put forth by an established family authority
  • You will come out stronger even if the relationship is not restored
  • Does not contain an overwhelming amount of content

Cons

  • Not written by a professional counselor – determine whether this is necessary for you
  • Not everyone will utilize the willpower necessary to pull this off
  • Some slang is not what many would recommend, for instance, slang that actually means “urinate”
  • The authority promotes making up for those who live together without the benefit of marriage
  • Techniques at times may seem too simplistic
  • Some may want more information

It’s Conclusive: The Magic of Making Up Is An Outstanding Product

I certainly like this product. The principles are common-sense items. The cost is truly low enough that it would be worth the try for anyone who strongly desires to get back with his or her Ex spouse or girl friend or boy friend.

If this sounds appealing to you, I highly recommend you pick up your own copy of The Magic of Making Up.

I hope you enjoyed this review, and if you have any questions about The Magic of Making Up or want to leave your own personal review, please leave a comment below.

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Writing Tips for Telling Someone’s Story

America’s Story

Earlier I told you about entering into an Agreement with Small Town Big Deal to write a book about the story behind the program. Writing tips for telling people’s stories are the focus of this article.

This is the story behind the writing of that story, including some writing tips for telling anyone’s story.

Rodney and Grandson

Set up Some Interviews

My wife, Rhonda, and I had the privilege of traveling to Ocilla, Georgia to meet with Rodney Miller, the original owner and co-host of the show.

We really enjoyed the trip because Ocilla is not not far, only about an hour and-a-half away from where we lived when we first moved to Georgia many years ago. Our oldest daughter was born while we lived there. Then, the second place we lived during our nine-year stint in Georgia, is just about an hour and-a-half north of the first place we lived, which was near a small town, named, Chester Georgia. That second place was near another small town, Eatonton, Georgia. Eatonton is the home of author, Joel Chandler Harris. Our other three children were born when we lived in Eatonton.

Back to the interview. Rodney was a very gracious host. We loved seeing his farm. He calls it his “play farm.” He has cattle, a small lake, and some fields. Plus, he has his antique tractor collection. All of this is indicative of his love for small towns and rural America.

Rodney and I set down for a conversation, which was invaluable for getting the structure of the book in mind.

That simple interview was great because it provided enough fuel for four or five chapters of the book

That was at the end of October. Then, a little over a month later, Rhonda and I got to meet with Jann Carl, as she was in St. Louis, MO, when she had a trip that included attending a graduate-school graduation and visiting with her family.

Jann proved to be a very down-to-earth person. Rhonda described her as being “just as sweet as she seems to be on TV.”

Jann Carl with Randy Carney
Jann and Randy
Rhonda and Jann

That additional interview with Jann lasted two hours, but part of that time was just involved with us visiting and getting to know each other a little before we started talking about the book. Again, it provided enough fuel for several more chapters.

Both of these earlier interviews covered their lives before Small Town Big Deal.

Tomorrow, Jann, Rodney and I are scheduled for a phone interview to talk about part two of the book, which describes the history of the program since its first airing in September of 2012.

Use Tools that Are Easily Available

One of the tools that has worked well for me for doing live interviews is the VoiceRecorder app on my phone.

See the recorder icon in the middle of he screen.
Once you open it up, it looks like a cassette recorder.

I can easily save the files in the i-cloud drive and retrieve them to use with my transcription software.

For recording phone calls, I can use “FreeConferenceCall.com.” It has a free version and it is easy to set up. You just have to give the participants the call-in number and an access code.

Anothe piece of software that I like is called Express Scribe.

Express Scribe

Screen for Express Scribe Software.

The advantage of Express Scribe is that you can hook up a transcription foot pedal to it. Here is a used one that I purchased online, probably from eBay.

Transcription Foot Pedal

The pedal has three parts. When you press on the middle, the voice recording starts its playback. When you let up, the recording stops. When you press again, the program backs up about ten seconds and then picks up where you left off. The two sides can be programmed to fast forward or to rewind. I have mine set up with the right side for rewinding.

Express Scribe has a free trial. I liked it so well I quickly purchased the paid version. The foot pedal may have been in the $30 range or so. It was certainly less than $50.

While you can pay a transcription service to get the text of the interview, I find there are several advantages to doing the transcription myself. I can do the light editing on the fly, eliminating, the “ands” or “uhs” and doing easy grammar corrections. I also like to be able to figure out where I like paragraph breaks.

Your Unique Content

When you interview your subjects, you get content that often does not appear anywhere else. Even if the main parts of your discussion are covered in other places, you are getting the story from your subject’s own words.

So, these are some writing tips for telling someone’s story. I hope they will be helpful to you.S

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Small Town Big Deal – The Book

Wow, what an opportunity.

My wife, Rhonda, and I recently made a trip to Ocilla, Georgia, to meet with Rodney Miller, the president and Co-host of the TV Show, Small Town Big Deal.

We finalized our plans to begin a wonderful writing project, telling the story behind the show.

We really enjoyed the trip, as we used to live in Georgia. The first place we lived while there, and where our oldest daughter was born, is just about an hour and-a-half north of Ocilla, and the second place we lived, where the other three children were born, is just about an hour and-a-half north of there. So, we truly got to combine business with pleasure.

It was great to see old friends and to get a start on this project. It will be a collaborative work. I will serve as the coordinating author. The co-hosts, Rodney Miller, and Jann Carl will serve as collaborative authors.

America’s TV Program

The first program aired in 2012 on RFD Network. It still airs there, but it also appears in many major markets as a syndicated program. It is one of the fovorite things for us to record on our DVR through our satellite provider.

Since many of America’s small towns or rural communities are often overlooked by the main-stream media outlets, Small Town Big Deal focuses on the small communities that sometimes house some of America’s best-kept secrets. Many outlets focus on the huge metropolitan areas like New York and Los Angeles, and that is OK, but we have here the stories from many areas that are sometimes referred to as “the forgotten America.”

As such, this truly has been dubbed, “America’s TV Program.”

Rodney started working on the program in 2010 by shooting a pilot with a proposed co-host. After a while, the arrangement did not work out, and he had to shoot another one by himself.

He started the first season as just the single host, but something unusual happened on the day they aired their first episode of that season in Septemeber of 2012. They received an email from a former Entertainment Tonight weekend anchor expressing interest in the show.

That is where Jann Carl came in. Roger, Rodney’s friend from church who later became the executive producer, read the email first. He thought it might be a prank, but then he showed it to Rodney.

Jann loved the idea of the show. She said that she “always wanted to be Charles Kuralt.” You may remember some of his segments entitle “On the Road with Charles Kuralt.” She also said, “I promise you I am not a stalker.”

Rodney contacted her and, after several conversations, she became the co-host and part owner of the program.

Rodney says this brought instant credibility and helped a great deal with the attempt to gain sponsors for the show.

Rhonda and I were able to meet with Jann when she visited her family in the St. Louis area in early December. We were able to talk for a couple of hours.

Rhonda and JannRhonda’s complement was: “Jann is just as sweet as she appears to be on TV.

Though we don’t have a picture, we were able to meet her mother too.

Many of you will remember Jann’s 14 years with Entertainment Tonight where she became the weekend anchor for the show.

Not to be outdone, I really want to get my picture in here too.

The book shares about both Rodney’s and Jann’s pre-Small Town Big Deal life.

 

Jann Carl and Randy CarneyI consider it a great privilege to work with both Jann and Rodney, and I look forward to meeting some of the members of the production team.

From Despair to Success

While the show enjoys a good deal of success today, getting there was not always easy. After all, if it were easy, everybody would be doing it.

Rodney shares his setbacks and times of despair. He especially recalls a time, after show had been in production for a few years. The show seemingly was about to go under. Either they were going to have to raise more money or get the show in the black on their own. They had to make some hard decisions, and to inform all those involved in production of those decisions. Fortunately many stuck with the project, and they weathered through the storm. Then the program became profitable on its own.

The Dreams

Rodney’s company asked him to do a TV commercial when he was CEO. He was reluctant to do that. In fact, he tells of how he was really shy as a young boy and how one of the happiest days of his life came when his high-school guidance counselor told him that speech was no longer required for him to graduate. Yet, he agreed to do the commercial. He said he fell in love with the camera.

Then a few years later, he had the idea for a TV show. Not knowing anything about TV, he really didn’t think anything would come of. Then one day at church he found out that his friend, Roger, had great experience and knew very much about TV production.

They started talking and finally decided they could try such a venture. Rodney wanted programming that was family friendly and that could highlight the great strengths of small-town and rural life.

The Incredible Journey, Beating Overwhelming Odds

As mentioned earlier, there were many ups and downs, and there were many times they could have quit and thrown in the towel. There were many discouragements. The great thing about the team came in the timing of the discouragements. They were never all down at the same time. They and members of their families encouraged each other.

Jann’s friend told her they “had created a unicorn.” Small Town Big Deal is a one of a kind almost mythical and legendary creature like a unicorn.

Most TV programs are owned by big production companies with a lot of financial backing before the projects get started. Jann, Rodney, and their investors own the program.

One sponsor turned them down for a sponsorship, but they would not let them leave either because they were intrigued by their business model

There came some turning points where they could have gone under, but they remember the red-letter day when they could cover all costs with their present capital and sponsorships.

Conclusion

Many people dream, but, more often than not, many never see their dreams become reality. Small Town Big Deal is the story of the dreams of a farm-boy turned CEO, and a girl from Carthage Missouri turned movie star who says she always wanted to be “Charles Kuralt.” As you follow their incredible journey to beat overwhelming odds to produce a successful TV show, you will be inspired to go for your dreams. You’ll learn to have a dream, to be open to opportunities when they present themselves, to be creative and to regroup when necessary. Most of all, though, you will see the value of hard work and perseverance. Enjoy this great story, and then create one of your own!

 

 

 

 

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Regain Trust in Marriage – Overcome Both of Your Fears

Hands Shielding Face

Regain trust in marriage? Can you really do that when you have lost it?Sometimes your or your mate loses trust over a series of disappointments and failed promises. At other times, however, a major event occurs that causes a loss of trust. An affair is extremely difficult to overcome.

Sometimes the offender has a fear the marriage partner can not forgive him or her, and they could never restore the marriage. Likewise, the offended party has fears that the spouse will not really change. Also, the one who needs to forgive may also have a fear of really being able to do that. If there is a real commitment to overcome this loss, you can regain trust in marriage. Overcome both of your fears by summoning the courage to rebuild.

How can you do that? Among other things, you can take four basic actions to regain such a trust.

Forgive

The most important step for both of you will be the step of forgiveness. With an affair, if you were the offended party, this step will be important and difficult. You will have so many emotions running through your mind. You will have a feeling of betrayal. You will feel rejected, and you will probably also feel angry.Forgive each other

If you were the offending party, and you have truly come to your senses, it will be equally important for you to forgive yourself.

While there is no excuse for what you did in violating your marriage vows, your spouse may need some forgiving too.

As time goes on, you will make deposits in the trust bank. Each time you do something trustworthy, you confirm that your spouse’s decision to forgive was the right thing to do.

At first your forgiveness will probably be a sheer act of your will. You may not feel like forgiving all the time, but you will do so because you have decided to do so.

Forgiveness does not mean that you excuse the behavior and sweep the hurt under the rug and just act like the offense never happened. We often talk about “forgive and forget.” If we take God’s act of forgiving as our model, we will see the sense in which He forgets. When God decides to forget, He does not lose the ability to know what happened. Rather, the way he forgets is that he does not hold the past against us. When you forgive your husband or wife, you will still know what happened. The key is not to dwell on the past and not to hold it against your spouse. If there is a new offense, that is what you will deal with. It is very important not to add fuel to the fire by bringing up past similar experiences.

However, to rebuild trust, you will give new conditions based on the past offense.

The first step is to forgive. Then you will begin the process of rebuilding.

Do What You Say

The best way to build or rebuild trust in any situation is to be a man or woman of your word. If you say you will be somewhere at a certain time, be there. If you say you will hold your spouse accountable for meeting certain agreed-upon conditions, make sure you stick to your word. If you decide later that your conditions were unreasonable, explain why you are willing to change them at that later date.

Suppose you say you will be home for supper at a certain time, make sure you actually arrive on time. Every time either of you does
exactly what you promised, you gain or regain trust in your marriage.

Suppose you know you will not make it home when you said you would. How do you handle that? It is very important to let your husband or wife know. It is also very important to do the informing as close to the moment you realize this will happen as you can.

Much distrust and discontent in many marriages could be avoided by simply letting the mate know what is going on. You do need to explain why you will be late (and the reason better be a good, legitimate reason, and something that you could not have easily avoided.)

Committing to this principle may help you see if you have a tendency to overestimate what you can accomplish in a certain amount of time. After you practice this important action for a while, you will be better at making time estimates.

Your spouse will also become more confident you really care about his or her time and feelings. When you rebuild this well enough, it may meet the occasional instance where you may not be able to inform your wonderful mate of your lateness with only a minimal frustration. “I knew something important that you couldn’t avoid came up,” will be music to your ears, coming from your spouse. Then you will truly know you have been successful in rebuilding trust.

First, forgive. Second, become a man or woman of your word.

Practice the Principle of Leaving

The third action you can take to rebuild trust in marriage is to practice the principle of leaving. Here, we are specifically talking about putting things behind you and leaving them there–never (a strong word, huh?) to bring them up against your spouse again.Put the past behind you You, by an act of your will, decide to forgive. Both of you develop track records of keeping your

promises and doing what you say. These track records make it easier for you to rebuild trust in each other. Focusing on the new will be very important. Leaving the past behind will be important There are many ways the principle of leaving will benefit your marriage. You leave these actions that broke your trust behind. Then you will do well to expand that to other areas where you will not bring up your pasts as ammunition to fire shots at each other. You will leave your relationship to your parents behind (and develop new relationships with them as adults to adults.) You will leave former romantic relationships before the marriage. You will leave things that really frustrate your husband or wife. You will leave former disrespect and get on with the new.

You forgive. You keep your word. You leave the past behind and then you make a new commitment or recommitment. What type of commitment is that?

Commit to Overcoming Your Differences

You commit to overcoming your differences. With an affair, you may have quarrelled over your differences in the past. Then one of you may have discovered someone who accepted you as you were. That temporary feeling of relief because of your similarities may have drawn you away from your spouse to the party outside your marriage.Mountain

We often say opposites attract. That is often true with personalities. Why is that? If is often because we see the strength of the other person’s personality type.

Each personality type, however, also has an accompanying weakness. After we marry, we see those weaknesses. Those differences sometimes cause frustration or conflict.

One very popular dating site has had great success because it strives to match the couples because of their similarities.

When you begin the process of rebuilding your marriage, it may seem like you are up against a mountain impossible to scale.

As you commit to overcoming your hurts, you might as well commit to overcoming your differences. In those cases, you realize that one is not better than the other–just different.

You commit to overcome. Sometimes you will take turns doing things together that one of you likes. The other one will try to learn about that activity. Sometimes you will allow the other one to spend time with his or her enjoyment without having to be together (just don’t let the amount of time you do this become excessive). Sometimes you will decide to something according to your husband’s or wife’s preference, even though your preference is different. There should be a balance in deciding to do this.

If you are rebuilding a marriage, commit to proper agreed-upon boundaries. Commit to the conditions for the offending party to be taken back. Commit to standing strong and holding each other accountable. Most of all, though, commit to doing whatever it takes to build a strong marriage.

Now, Start! Regain Trust in Marriage

We have seen four actions you can take to regain trust in marriage: forgiveness, keeping your word, leaving the past behind, and committing to doing whatever it takes to overcome the things that would destroy your marriage. That last action will lead to more actions.

Can you regain trust in marriage? Certainly! And, when you do, you will overcome both your fears.

I am curious: What other tips do you have for rebuilding trust in a relationship?

Tips to regain trust in marriage.