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Benefits of Listing Each Other’s Needs

Benefits of listing each other’s needs.

Vlog

Today I’m talking about marriage. In particular, I’m talking about the topic of meeting each other’s needs.

Here, I’m going to talk about the first of seven steps for helping you to meet each other’s needs.

Your Mate Will Feel Fulfilled

The first step is listing each other’s needs and there will be some benefit to doing that.

One of those benefits is that it will make your mate feel fulfilled.

Knowing what one another needs can lead to fulfillment in your marriage.
Knowing what one another needs can lead to fulfillment in your marriage.

Now, whenever your mate has a sad countenance, that often brings frustration to you and may cause you to be embarrassed and have a certain amount of shame.

Shame is especially hard on husbands. It’s hard on both husbands and wives but some researchers have said that it is especially difficult for husbands to feel ashamed.

The other problem is that whenever your mate does not look happy, there may be others that may step into the situation. You may find out that not only your mate but that may happen in your case too. So we need to be careful of that because that is a very, very dangerous situation.

You Will Feel Fulfilled

Having a clear path can make you feel happier.
Having a clear path can make you feel happier.

The second benefit is that you will feel fulfilled.

The first one is your mate will feel fulfilled because you are taking steps to meet your husband’s or your wife’s needs. When they are also doing that, then it becomes reciprocal and you will feel more fulfilled also.

Being happy is a very good thing.

A Warning

I mentioned how others may creep in when either of you are not having their needs met very well. Someone may come along and ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”

You need to be careful in that situation because that can be very dangerous. Especially if the person who wants to show that sympathy to you wants to step in and maybe meet an unfulfilled need. That’s a very dangerous and vulnerable place for you or your mate to be.

It’s one thing to talk with someone who has a similar situation as you. If you’re a man, you could talk to another man. But even at that you need to be careful about airing your problems with your friends and with others.

Now, it may be that you really do need to talk. You might be better served to talk with a professional counselor or a professional religious worker and for it to all be in the proper setting.

Just be careful. If you don’t look happy, or if your mate doesn’t look happy, someone else may come along.

The Bible speaks of those who creep in to women’s houses and they creep into their minds and their souls.(2 Timothy 3:6) It can also happen by getting into your mind and your soul. This can happen to a woman or a man, so you need to be very careful.

You want to affair-proof your marriage and you want to have a happy marriage.

You Will Be Encouraged by Knowing What to Do

Another benefit of doing this is that you will know what to do.

I mentioned husbands not liking the feel like failures or feel ashamed They need to know what the steps for success are.

I remember a young man who was placed on a basketball team and he was very good. His major contribution was his speed and his quick reflexes. He was very good on defense. It could be between his opponent and the basket. If his opponent was not careful, his quick hands would steal the ball.

fter a while he began to anticipate where they were going to throw the ball and sometimes he could jump in and steal the ball that way. But when it came to offense, he felt very inadequate.

Knowing what is expected makes it so much easier.
Knowing what is expected makes it so much easier.

Then not too late in the season, the coach came up with a series of plays, and they started practicing them. They knew where the ball would start, they knew where it wouoldd be thrown next, when somebody would run from one side of the court to the other, and when somebody would run to a certain position.

He really appreciated those plays, because then he knew what to do.

Well, one of the benefits of listing each other’s needs is that it will give you a step towards knowing what to do to be able to attempt to meet each other’s needs more fully.

The List

As we think about that, we’re going to come up with a premade list of 10 categories of needs. These will be felt needs that have been identified by professional counselors, marriage researchers, and many surveys that have been conducted.

In the next post, I'll give you the list of felt needs.
In the next post, I’ll give you the list of felt needs.

Once you look at that list, you may feel that there’s a felt need that’s not on the list. In that case, you and your mate should just add that to the bottom of the premade list that I will give you. So instead of having 10 categories of needs, you may have 11 or 12.

After listing the needs, I will show you how to rank them.

Hopefully, it will encourage you to know that you are taking a step towards something that you can do that will be beneficial to your marriage.

Now this is for newlyweds or for those who have been married for quite a long time. In the process of doing this exercise, you may discover a few revelations that may just help you to improve your marriage in a way that you did not expect.

Well I hope this has been helpful to you.

I currently have two books on marriage on Amazon. The first is “21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage” and the second is “From Mountains to Molehills”

My 2 books on marriage.

Also, if you’d like more tips and advice on marriage, click here to be taken to my blog where you will find more posts like these.

Be sure to check back to find the next blog in this series.

I hope you have a great day!

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Why I wrote From Mountains to Molehills – Tips Every Married Couple Needs to Know

Combat or Fireworks

Why I wrote the book From Mountains to Molehills, Overcoming and Celebrating Your Differences in marriage: “You can’t live with ’em, and you can’t live without ’em” is an often expressed sentiment in many marriages. In some marriages, though, that “You can’t live with ’em” aspect can turn into conflict, then combat, and then a full-blown war. In this article, we will look at tips every married couple needs to know.

The Number One Major Adjustment Every
Married Couple Will Face

One reason I wrote the book is that discovering your differences is a major adjustment every married couple will soon face after they are married. This can be anything as simple as which side of the bed they prefer to issues as complex as spending habits and finances. But with the proper tools, married couples can learn to overcome, and even celebrate, these differences.

The TRUTH About the Idea that Opposites Attract

We know that it seems like opposites attract. We’ve often been told that, and it is often true. The reason is we look at someone who has an opposite personality trait, and we admire the strengths they have. We especially do that when we wish we had those strengths ourselves.

The same is true in the area of spiritual gifts. When someone has a different spiritual gift from ours, we often admire the positive aspects of that gift. Opposites do attract. Before we are married, we often focus on those strengths. But then after we’ve been married for a while, we began to realize that with every strength there is an accompanying weakness. We focused only on the strengths before. But after marriage, we discover those weaknesses. It doesn’t take long till we might start focusing upon the weaknesses.

Why We Think Differently – Tips for Beginning Married Couples

This book helps us understand why we have different ways of thinking. In it, we discuss contributing factors such as personality traits and personality differences.

We also see how birth order affects how we think. Being a first-born, middle child, or youngest shapes our thoughts and actions.

Then for those of us who are Christians, we discuss the characteristics of different spiritual gifts. These gifts can also have an effect on how we view and act in our relationships with others.

The Real Reason Why We Sometimes Resort to Combat

When we encounter differences in our marriages. We often want to advocate for our own positions. That is when combat comes in. Also as we encounter those differences in our marriage, we form a perception of them being extremely different. In our minds, it’s like trying to climb a mountain to overcome those situations.

Turning Our Differences into Reasons for Combat

By looking at the disagreement from within ourselves, it can appear insurmountable. We always want to feel like we are right in our wants and desires. After all, we’ve spent a lifetime developing them. Taking the time to step outside ourselves and view the conflict from another point of view allows us to see more clearly.

What Every Couple Needs to Remember About Fireworks

So when we celebrate on the Fourth of July, we often see glorious beautiful fireworks. But sometimes we forget that those fireworks are born out of a full-blown war. When we fail to deal properly with our differences in marriage. We can advocate for positions so strongly that it comes to an area of combat in marriage. That can end up going into a full-blown war too.

We want to get to the point where our differences can result in celebrations for us to consider instead of firing mortars at each other.

Glorious Fireworks

The Blessing of Understanding

I encourage us, who are married, to continue to study that complex creature to whom we have committed our lives. As we do that, we will discover not only the strengths we were attracted to at the beginning, when we were dating. But, we will continue to discover many, many more wonderful traits as we go through our journey.

We just need to do our best to understand each other as we engage in this wonderful thing called marriage. We also need to understand that very often our differences are not in the category of one being better than the other. One is not better than the other. They are just different. When we learn to approach our differences in that fashion, that technique helps.

Here is the book.

Keeping Peace in Your Marriage
Three of Randy’s Books – Top, From Mountains to Molehills

If you would like to go look at it on amazon.com, click here. On the way, I will invite you to sign up to receive information by email if you desire.

Right now, if you’d like more marriage tips like these, you can click on the marriage tab at the top of the page. You can see video tips too by clicking here.

I will close by inserting a couple of paragraphs from the book:

“When we allow each other to be who we truly are, and when we learn to limit our liberty and show deference to each other, we can come to the point of having a tolerable marriage. Then, as we perfect this process, we can laugh at our differences. We can ‘cut each other some slack.’ We can pursue our own interests while allowing our spouses to do the same. We don’t want to lead completely separate lives, so we want to support our mates in their unique interests. We want to learn about those and spend some time sharing in those areas. Now we’re getting into the “how-to.” You will see more of that in the pages of this book.

“So, when faced with our differences, we can become combative, or we can step back and find different ways to deal with those differences and the frustrations they may cause. We can support our partners in their unique interests and personality traits; realizing one is not necessarily better, but just different.
When we do that, instead of engaging in combat, we can come to the point of tolerating and moving on to celebrating our differences. We will move from engaging in combat to watching glorious fireworks. When that happens, we will have turned our ‘Mountains’ into ‘Molehills.’

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Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Review: An Alternative to Marriage Counseling

Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness Program
Fix Your Marriage
Marriage Fitness Review
Fix Your Marriage Now

My Ratings: 9.9 out of 10

Product: Three Options, Audio Files, Tele-Boot Camp, Private Sessions
Price: $69.95 Audio, $179/mo. for 3 months, or $875+ private sesseions
Review Focus: The Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp, $179/mo 3 times
 My Rating: 9.9 out of 10

Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Program – Product Overview

This Marriage Fitness review features Mort Fertel’s Marriage Fitness Program.

The Tele-Boot camp includes 7 Teleconference calls. These are the heart of the customization of this program to your situation. During each hour-long call Mort conducts an open-mic Q and A teleconference. You can listen for answers if you wish. Better yet, you can ask your own specific questions. If you can’t make the scheduled, you can listen to the recorded sessions.

In addition to the tele-conferences, you will have access to a solutions library of audio files. This is the most comprehensive marriage-crisis audio library in the world. Whatever your problem, the solution is here. Got a question? You’ll find the answer here too. There are 162 audio files searchable by topic. Just click, listen, and you’ll go from confused and frustrated to clear and calm. User feedback indicates that the most compelling and solution-oriented content is here. Many users listen to these audio files multiple times.

Then there is a 15-part audio learning system in a designated sequence rather than wide array of topic in the solutions library. Choose between CDs or instant digital online access. This audio series will answer every question you have about how to transform your marriage. And you’ll get step-by-step instructions on how to turn your marriage around. 

Accompanying the 15-part audio learning system is a 200 page workbook and personal journal.

Further, you receive an autographed copy of Mort’s book, Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building and Maintaining Phenomenal Love.

You will receive 7 key Homework Assignments, an Implementation Schedule, and 5 Marriage Assessments.

All of the materials can be accessed through a special members-only website.

Benefits of Identification

Concerning Your Marriage, Have You Ever Heard or Felt the Following:

  • Have you wondered how you can fix the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” declaration?
  • We’ve tried counseling, but all we do is fight about the past
  • I really wish there was a way to wipe the slate clean
  • We need to find a way to rekindle “Desire” in our marriage
  • My spouse doesn’t trust me anymore. How can I fix that?
  • How do I know if I married the right person
  • How can I get my spouse to change?

Benefits of Practical Solutions

The Marriage Fitness Program has 90% success rate. Instead of spending hours dealing with the past, you will find practical techniques that will bring hope in the following areas:

  • How to increase the effectiveness of your marriage
  • How to forgive and be forgiven
  • How to get over the past
  • How to reconnect with your spouse
  • How to work on your marriage even if your spouse is resistant by using “The Lone Ranger Track”
  • How to ruin their affair if your spouse is involved in one
  • How avoid a separation or stop a divorce
Mort Fertel - Founder of the Marriage Max Marriage Fitness Program
Mort Fertel – Founder of Marriage Max and the Marriage Fitness Program

Pros and Cons

Pros

  • Focuses on Present Solutions, not dwelling on past mistakes
  • Author and wife discovered the techniques while rescuing their own marriage
  • There is a track for one spouse when the other will not participate
  • Except for the one-on-one in-person counseling, the cost is relatively low compare to long periods of traditional counseling
  • Is an alternative to traditional marriage counseling
  • Has three different levels of participation to meet differing budgets
  • Has a 90% success rate

Cons

  • Is not traditional counseling — Some may feel the need for the traditional route
  • The in-person meetings are quite expensive
  • When the other spouse is not on board, the program will likely take longer
  • The least expensive option does not have the interactive features that the recommended option has
  • Those who are not “teachable” are likely to fail because of not giving the techniques a fair chance
  • Not everyone will have the technology to receive the full benefits of the Tele-Boot Camp Option

It’s Conclusive For Me: Marriage Fitness Is an Outstanding Product

I certainly like this product. The principles are common-sense items. The cost is truly low enough that it would be worth the try for anyone who strongly desires improve or restore his or her marriage.

If this sounds appealing to you, I highly recommend you get Mort’s Free Report on 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage, and that you enroll in one of his subsequent programs.

I hope you enjoyed this review, and if you have any questions about The Marriage Fitness Program or want to leave your own personal review, please leave a comment below.

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A Quiet Air of Respect

I attended the funeral of Tom Julian this afternoon. He was a man for whom I have a great deal of respect.

Tom and his wife, Wava, were good friends with my parents. They often visited and played games together.

Tom Julian – A Man of Integrity and Respect

That meant that their children and I were good friends too. We played together while our parents were playing games. I remember their oldest son, Danny, had all kinds of cool stuff. He had an erector set and a reel to reel tape recorder (It may not have exclusively been his, but I remember us playing with it.)

Danny and Patty and their younger sister, Kathy were closer in age to me. We remember going on camping trips with our parents. Brian and John came along later, so I did not know them as well.

Kathy remembers liking my comic book collection. She would borrow some and give them back the next time we visited. She especially liked the Archie comics.

I remember Tom being a man of integrity, a good carpenter and woodworker (although his occupation was coal miner). He even made their own pop-up camper. I also, however, remember him as a man who was faithful in church.

I told his older children, whom I knew well because they were closer to my age, “I don’t know if it was his Christianity showing through, or what, but I always thought of him as being a man that displayed a quiet air of respect.” They agreed.

How this relates to my business interests is that displaying respect always pays off. Also, in the series of books I am writing on marriage, I talk about the importance of respect. That will be highlighted in the next book in the series, book 3, which will emphasize the importance of valuing each other.

To see some more marriage resources, click here.

That is a great summary of Tom’s “Life in a Day!”

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How to Leave the Past Behind and Experience the Magic of Making Up

Would you like to know how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover's rejection...even if your situation seems hopeless? It's like being told not to breather.
How long can you hold your breath?

How long can you hold your breath? Although world records for holding a person’s breath underwater exceed 20 minutes, the average person can hold his or her breath for about two minutes. Navy SEALs report holding their breath for two or three minutes. Those who break the records spend time breathing oxygen before they try to accomplish those amazingly long times of performance. The thing is: you can be told not to breathe, but your body won’t let you do that for very long. If you have experienced a severe breakup or a rift in your relationship with your spouse, you may be told to leave the past behind, but that is like being told not to breathe! How to leave the past behind is all important.

Would you like to know how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover’s rejection…even if your situation seems hopeless? T-Dub Jackson tells just how to do that.

When such a situation is not resolved, then one of the parties leaves or sometimes there is a mutual parting of ways. However, after a while, you realize that situation is so much worse than staying together to resolve the conflict.

One of the things that is important in bringing about such a reconciliation is to approach the attempted resolution from a position of strength. You may feel like groveling, promising anything, not considering whether you could keep such a promise. It is important then not to smother your ex, and sniveling weakness will not be attractive.

When you work on yourself and begin to know that you will be able to approach life as a better person, whether the relationship is ever resolved, you become more attractive to your ex. In order to do that, you have to learn how to leave the past behind.

I mentioned T Dub Jackson a minute ago. Check out my review of his product, The Magic of Making Up, to find out more about how you can stop your breakup, divorce, or lover’s rejection…even if your situation seems hopeless.

Here are some tips for leaving the past behind:

  • Realize why it is important to leave the past behind
  • Realize that you need to work on yourself, regardless of the circumstances
  • Realize that life will go on
  • Try to remove yourself from emotion and look at things objectively
  • Realize what mistakes you have made and take steps to correct them.

T Dub tells how thousands of people have been able to make such corrections and get back together.

Beside The Magic of Making Up, another resource that may help is 21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage.

To the best of your ability, put the past behind you and move toward a better future.

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The Magic of Making Up Review – Tips for a Better Relationship

The Magic of Making Up - The Path to a Restored Relationship

My Ratings: 9.8 out of 10

Product: The Magic of Making UP
Price: $39.99
Product Specifications: Digital Product 62 Page PDF
Price: $39.00
My Rating: 9.8 out of 10

The Magic of Making Up, Product Overview

The Magic of Making Up is a quality 62-page ebook in PDF format filled with content that his helpful for the process of restoring a relationship.

While the subtitle of this post, “Tips for a Better Relationship” is certainly true. The fact is there will be no relationship if you can’t get back with your Ex. Following the principles in “T-Dub’s” book will not only restore your relationship in most cases, but you will come out of the process as a stronger individual.

Benefits of Being Understood

Since you are concerned about the process of making up, many of the following items may be things you identify with.

Do you find yourself involved in the following:

  • Binge eating to bring comfort to your soul
  • Flooding your Ex with calls and texts, maybe even to the point of “terrorizing” them
  • Thinking non-stop about why he or she really left you
  • Endlessly thinking about what you should have said
  • Regardless of your intention, seemingly making your Ex more and more angry and defensive
  • Feeling massively depressed
  • Apologizing profusely for everything and begging to be taken back

Benefits of Hope

The Magic of Making Up brings much hope because within its pages you will learn how to:

  • Get your head on straight by using the Fast Forward Technique
  • Tap into the one-thing men desire most to keep them from being further attracted to someone with whom they may have had an affair
  • Give your wife what she needs most in order to get her back and to keep her from being further attracted to someone with whom she may have had an affair or to someone she may fantasize about having an affair with
  • Know when to apologize, and when not to apologize
  • Start over with a clean slate, and to end up with a stronger relationship than ever before
  • Diffuse arguments before they start and get back together without fear of returning to a former fighting relationship
  • Recapture the romance you had when your love was brand new
The Magic of Making Up - The Path to a Restored Relationship
The Magic of Making Up – The Path to a Restored Relationship

Pros and Cons

Pros

  • Not written by a professional counselor, but by an author with much real-world experience
  • Thousands have been helped by the content within this product
  • Relatively low cost compared to the cost of counseling
  • Follows the techniques of Love Must be Tough put forth by an established family authority
  • You will come out stronger even if the relationship is not restored
  • Does not contain an overwhelming amount of content

Cons

  • Not written by a professional counselor – determine whether this is necessary for you
  • Not everyone will utilize the willpower necessary to pull this off
  • Some slang is not what many would recommend, for instance, slang that actually means “urinate”
  • The authority promotes making up for those who live together without the benefit of marriage
  • Techniques at times may seem too simplistic
  • Some may want more information

It’s Conclusive: The Magic of Making Up Is An Outstanding Product

I certainly like this product. The principles are common-sense items. The cost is truly low enough that it would be worth the try for anyone who strongly desires to get back with his or her Ex spouse or girl friend or boy friend.

If this sounds appealing to you, I highly recommend you pick up your own copy of The Magic of Making Up.

I hope you enjoyed this review, and if you have any questions about The Magic of Making Up or want to leave your own personal review, please leave a comment below.

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Should I Leave My Marriage?

Should I Leave My Marriage

Should I leave my marriage? That may be a question that weighs heavily on your mind. Maybe you have been in this only for a short time. Think hard about the consequences.

Maybe you have been in the marriage for a long time, and you are weary. Maybe there are some fire works between you and your husband or wife. Think hard about the consequences.

Maybe you have discovered that your marriage is one of “opposites.” Think about what brought you together in the first place, and think long and hard about the consequences or your leaving.

Maybe you have what seem to be really legitimate reasons for leaving. Maybe, in that case, you might want to leave, but you still would want to see if there could be restoration. Even if you are justified, you need to weigh out the consequences of taking such action.

Not If You Have Just Had a Disagreement

Couple with boxing gloves

O.K. Maybe you have had your first really serious fight.

I recently heard of a man who said he got married at 16 years of age. Most of us would consider that quite young.

Within their first year, he and his wife had a fight. It came to the point to where he took her, along with her packed bags, in his truck, back to her parent’s house.

Not long after that, his dad came to see him. “Where’s [the wife’s name]?

“I took here to her parents’ house.”

His dad did not give him a chance to justify his actions and decisions. He just said, “Now, we can do this like this: I can whip you like a father to a son, or I can whip you man-to-man. Or, you can get in your truck and go get her!”

He went and got his wife, and they were married for over 55 years until her death.

Just having a fight or disagreement is not a sufficient reason for leaving your marriage.

In fact, many couples learn how to fight, but to fight fair. They learn how not to damage each other when they have disagreements.

Not If You Have You Haven’t Given It a Fair Shake

Some couples decide to quit too easily. Maybe they are looking for that perfect marriage, where there is never a conflict. I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but I don’t think that perfect marriage exists.

Ready to throw in the towelSometimes in a boxing match, people will refer to a boxer stopping the match by “throwing in the towel.” Many young couples decide to throw in the towel too quickly.

Anything worth having is worth working for–and that is what marriage is, sometimes–work!

Now, have you really given this your best shot?

Have you tried everything you know? Sometimes what happens is that each member of the marriage needs to make some changes, but they are not willing to do so themselves.

So, if you haven’t given your marriage a fair chance, this certainly is not the time to leave.

Not If You Have Differences

Not if you have differencesSurprise! Men and women are different. Some marital adjustments need to be made just because of this basic difference.

Many times opposites attract. See! before we are married, we may be attracted to someone because of the strengths of their personality. If we are quiet and introverted, we may be attracted to those who are louder, talkative, and extroverted.

If we are very impulsive, we may be attracted to someone who is very level-headed.

Actually, there is something to be said for finding a mate who is very similar to yourself in many ways. Some very popular dating sites have a great deal of success by matching people up according to their similar interests and personalities.

Either way, just because you find, or are reminded of, your differences, that is not a reason to leave.

Every personality type has strengths. That is what we are likely attracted to before we marry. But, every personality type also has accompanying weaknesses. Those are often what we did not take into account before marriage.

Understanding each other will go a long way. She does not have to think like I do. My wife also needs to realize I don’t have to think like she does. It is very helpful, though, when we discuss things and begin to understand why each one thinks the way he or she does.

It really is possible to work with these differences. Sometimes the differences seem like mountains, when, really, with the proper perspective, they are just molehills. Perhaps you would want to consider the ideas in From Mountains to Molehills: Overcoming and Celebrating Your Differences in Marriage, which is also available as an ebook.

When Should I Leave?Should I Leave My Marriage?

So, if I can’t leave because of the above reasons when can I leave?

Or, maybe I should ask, “When should I leave?”

In Cases of Abuse, Continued Abuse

I think there are many strong reasons for staying together in a difficult marriage. When I speak of abuse, I am not speaking of minor annoyances. I am speaking of serious problems.

Physical abuse certainly is not something we have to put up with. Maybe, it would not rise, at least at first, to the level of divorce, but we are talking about getting to your own safety. We are also talking about our responsibility to keep our children safe.

I know of one marriage, where the couple realized the husband had a problem where he would get out of control. They decided to live separately–even having a child in this long-term relationship. They were cooperative, but she was kept safe from some of his times when he could not handle the pressures around him. I am not necessarily saying that is what anyone else would want to do, but it seemed to work for them.

While you should do everything you can to stay in your marriage, you also have a right to self-defense.

In Cases of Marital Unfaithfulness on the Part of Your Spouse

When your spouse has been unfaithful and participated in an adulterous relationship, you have the right to leave. That does not mean that you have to do so.

We have talked above about thinking hard about the consequences of our decisions. What would be the result if there was a genuine restoration in your marriage? Would that benefit your children? If the restoration was genuine, it probably would.

Could you rebuild trust and even rebuild feelings of love? I know many couples who have done so. It just depends on what your spouse is willing to do.

Conclusion

There are many times when you should not leave the marriage. Just having an argument is not reason enough. Just wanting to throw in the towel very early in your marriage is not reason enough. Just realizing that you are two very different people, that in itself, is not reason enough.

You should leave, at least temporarily, in times when that is the only thing that will ensure your or your children’s safety.

If your spouse has been unfaithful, you may leave. Maybe you should. Maybe even then you would decide to seek restoration. Only you can decide.

There are other types of leaving that are beneficial to a marriage, but they are not talking about your leaving the marriage altogether. You might want to check out, 21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage: Why You Should Apply this Shocking Key to Marital Bliss. One chapter does talk about when it is appropriate to leave in the sense we have discussed in this article.

What are your thoughts? Do you know of couples who have benefited from a restoration? When do you think abuse might rise to the level of leaving for safety reasons?

 

 

 

 

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Failure to Leave and Cleave – Some Obstacles to a Successful Marriage

The failure to leave and cleave is warned against, right from the pages of the Bible.

This two-fold failure includes some of the greatest obstacles to a successful marriage that a couple can face.

As we consider this idea, we will see three reasons why leaving is beneficial to a marriage, and we will see why the act of cleaving to each other is one of the most important experiences a couple can have.

Happy Husband and wife

Leaving Improves In-Law Relationships

Things are not always what they seem to be.

Two men were standing on the sidewalk when they noticed some unusual activity coming towards them.

They noticed a big black hearse, followed by a man who was walking with a doberman pinscher on a leash. Doberman Pinscher

Then behind the hearse and the man with the dog, there was a single file line of 46 more men.

One of the men said to the other, “I wonder what is going on.”

The second one said, “Well, that’s not too hard to figure out. The body in the hearse is probably the president of a great company.”

“What about the dog?”

“That’s his dog. He loved the dog and wanted it to be honored.”

“And the line of men …?”

“Those were his employees.”

Not quite satisfied, the first man timidly approached the fellow who was leading the dog. He did not want to be disrespectful during the funeral procession.

The man with the dog did not seem to mind at all.

So, he asked, “Was that your boss that passed away?”

“No, that was my mother-in-law.”

“So, is that her dog?”

“No, that’s my dog. You see, he jumped on her and attacked her. Sadly, she didn’t make it.”

“Say …, I’d like to have a dog like that!”

“Get in line, and we’ll discuss your offer.”

Things are not always what they seem.

Many husbands have great mothers-in-law. I certainly do, and my wife had a great relationship with my mother. Our relations with our fathers-in-law were generally very good too.

However, for the relationship to be good, there must be some leaving going on in the marriage. Each member of the young couple have years of respect (or hurt) and dependence (or lack thereof) upon their own parents. When a marriage is formed, a transition needs to take place. They need to transfer that former dependence to each other (or, if there have been hurts, they are not to project them on each other.}

If the parents do want to interfere, the couple needs to take a stand together. Once this change is established in all parties, the basis for a great relationship is in place.

Leaving Gives Your Spouse Security

You spouse needs to feel that he or she can trust you. He or she needs to feel that he or she is number one in your life.

Leaving past relationships behind is very important. If you don’t, jealousy and possessiveness by your wife can set in. The husband can become equally jealous too.

I know of a wife who was (and still is) good friends with a girl that her husband dated before dating the one who is now the wife. If there was not an assurance of the past being put behind all parties, there could certainly be a strain on the present relationships. However, they have been able to put the past behind, and they are all good friends even today.

We are often told, that, based on many surveys of husbands and wives, one of the wife’s greatest needs is security, and that one of the husband’s greatest needs (in many marriages, not all) is that of respect.

So, husband, when your wife feels secure because she knows you have left the old flames behind, you will have part of the makings of a great marriage.

So, wife, when your husband feels like you are his number-one cheerleader, you also have the makings of a great marriage.

Leaving the past behind gives both parties of the marriage security.

Leaving Increases Your Own Hope for a Great Life

When you go into a marriage with dreams and aspirations, that is a good thing. Perhaps not all of those dreams will be realized, but also, in some cases, things may turn out better than one could ask or think.

Past failures can put dampers on dreams. You don’t want past relationships to hinder your ideals either.

Leaving the failures of the past opens new possibilities for the future. Many successful people in life testify to the fact that they had previous failures before hitting it big.

Leaving the past behind, and even mistakes after you are married, is a very productive thing to do.

As you pursue your dreams, and as you achieve them, it is very important to remain humble. Yes, you put the failures of the past behind, but it is best not to forget where you have come from. The true secret of greatness is humble service without thought of reward. As you pursue life together in humble service without thought of any kind of reward, you will experience the joys of success.

Cleaving Is One of the Best Experience You Will Have in Marriage

In the 1970s, I heard Leighton Ford (Brother-in-law to Evangelist Billy Graham) speak on the topic of marriage.

He said, “If you will notice, when there are problems in marriage, they usually show up in at least one of three areas: leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh.”

Cleaving (not a smothering possessiveness) represents the wonderful closeness a husband and wife can achieve.

Physical and spiritual intimacy present joys that are sometimes indescribable.

Summary: Failure to Leave and Cleave – Some Obstacles to a Successful Marriage

So, we have seen that a failure to leave and cleave leads to several obstacles to a successful marriage.

Leaving is very important in that it improves relationships with in-laws, provides security for a spouse and increases hope for a great new life together. Furthermore, failure to cleave together is an obstacle to one of the greatest joys a couple can experience.

If you would like to know about more ways leaving can benefit your marriage, please visit  Amazon.com.

Copyright 2018  Randy Carney