Life Is Short – Time Management Techniques and Strategies for Writers

I have three friends who have reminded me that time is short – even when it might seem long. Each reminded me of the need for making the most of the time we have. Since I am a writer and some of you are writers, this concept reinforces even more the need for time management techniques and strategies for writers.

Time management techniques and Strategies for Writers

First, my friend, Roger, with whom I have gone on several missions trips for the ministry of which he was director, had a heart catheterization a couple of days ago. The doctors said his heart is strong, but there were some other issues that would continue to give him some problems. He is still with us, and he even said, “I’ll probably see you Thursday.”

Thursday is when we meet together with a prayer- and Bible-study group. Then after that, I always say, “is when we have the real meeting.” Several of us follow up by eating breakfast together.

Then I had another friend, Jim, who had some heart problems last year, received word later in the year that certain tests showed a high likelihood of cancer. He went back for another test, and the indicators were not as great. So, the doctors then wanted him to have an MRI that would be very specific to their suspicions.

When Jim met with the doctor for the results, the doctor said, “I don’t know how to explain it, but the results are zero.” Jim said he knew how to explain it because many people, and especially his wife, had been praying for him!

Last Sunday we went to the memorial service for Aunt Dorothy, my wife’s aunt who passed away. You see Aunt Dorothy was able to stay in her own home until she passed away. In a couple of weeks, she would have been 100. She said, after a visit to the doctor, “No one knows how much time they have.”

None of us know how much time we have, so we should make the best of the days we do have.

In order to beat the enemy of procrastination, writers have to set up deadlines. If they don’t have those, they may never get done. They can be self imposed or they can be put in place by a publisher.

I would like to give you a free gift, “Time Management for Writers.” Get it quickly because I am going to have to shorten the report. Many of my friends tell me that I have “given away the farm” with this report. In fact one friend put the info in place and finished his book. That is great, but, really I am offering a coaching program that will walk others through the process of getting their dream books done. Some will get this report and still want the extra benefits of coaching, but, like I say, there is enough here to help you get your book done. Just fill out the info below to sign up.




Now, if you wait till the report is revised, you will still get a great value. It’s just that I probably won’t give away the farm completely forever.

Go here to check out some more about writing your book.

Avery’s Money Pizza

Would You Like to Have Money So Plentiful That Getting More Would be Like Picking up a Pizza?

Yesterday, we went to my grandson’s, Avery’s, seventeenth birthday party. Here is a picture of him with Rhonda and me. He has passed both of us in height!

Avery with Randy and Rhonda
He Doesn’t Even Have His Shoes On!

We wanted to give some money for a gift, but Rhonda got a little creative after seeing a post on Facebook or Pinterest.

She had been in Marion for a ladies’ seminar planning meeting, and on the way home she went through the drive-through of a local pizza place. She told the girl helping her what she was planning because she had asked if she could jut buy a box with nothing in it. After she told the young lady what she was going to do, the girl grinned and blurted out,

“Oh, Will you be my Grandma!”

Avery’s Money Pizza

Here is a picture of the present we gave Avery.

Admittedly, they were just all $1 bills, but I think he liked it very much.

Wouldn’t it be great if making money were as easy as investing 65 cents in a pizza box and then receiving 15 times that in return.

In our case, the love of family is greater than finances, but finances do help!

Several years ago, I started experimenting with making money online through internet marketing. One of the ways to do that is through affiliate marketing, and the best place I found to learn how to do that is a site called, “Wealthy Affiliate.”

I started taking the training and working with the program. Before long, I had enough coming in from affiliates to cover the cost of my program.

I was still working my “Day Jobs” and doing my other ventures of writing books and doing some public speaking. I also continued as a bivocational minister. Each time the revenue from those online ventures increased, my “day jobs” picked up. For instance I started as a part-time adjunct professor at the start of a new college and moved through the ranks to become the provost before I left. Those claims on my time caused me to be work less on my online ventures, but I kept learning.

Since I “retired,” I am getting back into the swing of things and am enjoying it vary much. During that time with the college, I finished books nine and ten of my writing projects, and am currently working on a collaborative book.

I am offering coaching for those who would like to be writers, and in the next few weeks, I will be offering a course on writing. For those of you interested in the personal coaching options, you can click here.

My your days be prosperous and your times with family filled with joy.

Wishing you the best in 2020,

Randy

A Quiet Air of Respect

I attended the funeral of Tom Julian this afternoon. He was a man for whom I have a great deal of respect.

Tom and his wife, Wava, were good friends with my parents. They often visited and played games together.

Tom Julian – A Man of Integrity and Respect

That meant that their children and I were good friends too. We played together while our parents were playing games. I remember their oldest son, Danny, had all kinds of cool stuff. He had an erector set and a reel to reel tape recorder (It may not have exclusively been his, but I remember us playing with it.)

Danny and Patty and their younger sister, Kathy were closer in age to me. We remember going on camping trips with our parents. Brian and John came along later, so I did not know them as well.

Kathy remembers liking my comic book collection. She would borrow some and give them back the next time we visited. She especially liked the Archie comics.

I remember Tom being a man of integrity, a good carpenter and woodworker (although his occupation was coal miner). He even made their own pop-up camper. I also, however, remember him as a man who was faithful in church.

I told his older children, whom I knew well because they were closer to my age, “I don’t know if it was his Christianity showing through, or what, but I always thought of him as being a man that displayed a quiet air of respect.” They agreed.

How this relates to my business interests is that displaying respect always pays off. Also, in the series of books I am writing on marriage, I talk about the importance of respect. That will be highlighted in the next book in the series, book 3, which will emphasize the importance of valuing each other.

To see some more marriage resources, click here.

That is a great summary of Tom’s “Life in a Day!”

A Life in the Day

Happy New Year!

The Life of Riley … or, Could it be Randy?

I know. I know. You’re thinking the title is a misprint. It should be “A Day in the LIfe.” Well, that phrase has already been used.

When you think about it, though, time is where our life occurs.

This section will be the blog-like journal for my life. It shows the regular goings on and then I will attempt to show how those happenings relate to my business life too.

As most of you know, my life revolves around writing, speaking, coaching, and bi-vocational ministry. Above all of that in the world of priorities is my family, and, even above that, my relationship with God.

Some of you may be old enough to remember the old sitcom that was titled The Life of Riley, starring Wiliam Bendix. The opening of the show, had a cartoon-like drawing of Riley in his hammock. Maybe I should have a picture of me in my hammock. I do have one.

We live on a farm, and I affectionately call it “The Carney Rezoit.” When people visit, they sometimes comment on how quiet and peaceful it seems. We do have a three-acre pond not far from our front door. My Mom said it was just large enough to be called a lake. The fishermen usually say, “It wouldn’t do for me to live here. I would be out there all the time.” I usually just smile, but inwardly I suspect they would be just like I am. It doesn’t seem like there is time to ‘be out there all the time.’ At least we do get to look at it every time we go out the front door.

Some of you may come to this website because you are interested in writing a book. That is something I can help you with. Others of you may be here because you are interested in speaking and making money in that regard. I can help with that too. Some of you may want to be life coaches or success coaches. I can also point you in that direction. Others of you have indicated interest in having sparkling  marriages. You will find links to resources for that too. Some of you may interested in keeping up with me in general. This is the place where that info will be found.

I am retired, sort of. Hence “The Life of Riley/Randy” reference. Really, I think retirement should just be a synonym for the next stage of ministry in a person’s life. People ask me how I stay busy. I don’t know how I had time to go to work before. I fill in for churches quite a bit, and I am serving as an interim pastor right now.

I just finished the rough draft for a new book that is a collaborative work, which has been a new experience. The three authors are quite busy, and it has been very difficult to coordinate. However, we are pushing toward getting that project finished in just a few months. The other two authors are co-hosts of a popular TV program, and that keeps them hopping.

Since I mentioned marriage above, one of the things that keeps me busy is writing about marriage and pointing others to good resources.

Check out my latest Review of “The Magic of Making up.”

See ya’ later,

Randy

The Magic of Making Up Review – Tips for a Better Relationship

The Magic of Making Up - The Path to a Restored Relationship

My Ratings: 9.8 out of 10

Product: The Magic of Making UP
Price: $39.99
Product Specifications: Digital Product 62 Page PDF
Price: $39.00
My Rating: 9.8 out of 10

The Magic of Making Up, Product Overview

The Magic of Making Up is a quality 62-page ebook in PDF format filled with content that his helpful for the process of restoring a relationship.

While the subtitle of this post, “Tips for a Better Relationship” is certainly true. The fact is there will be no relationship if you can’t get back with your Ex. Following the principles in “T-Dub’s” book will not only restore your relationship in most cases, but you will come out of the process as a stronger individual.

Benefits of Being Understood

Since you are concerned about the process of making up, many of the following items may be things you identify with.

Do you find yourself involved in the following:

  • Binge eating to bring comfort to your soul
  • Flooding your Ex with calls and texts, maybe even to the point of “terrorizing” them
  • Thinking non-stop about why he or she really left you
  • Endlessly thinking about what you should have said
  • Regardless of your intention, seemingly making your Ex more and more angry and defensive
  • Feeling massively depressed
  • Apologizing profusely for everything and begging to be taken back

Benefits of Hope

The Magic of Making Up brings much hope because within its pages you will learn how to:

  • Get your head on straight by using the Fast Forward Technique
  • Tap into the one-thing men desire most to keep them from being further attracted to someone with whom they may have had an affair
  • Give your wife what she needs most in order to get her back and to keep her from being further attracted to someone with whom she may have had an affair or to someone she may fantasize about having an affair with
  • Know when to apologize, and when not to apologize
  • Start over with a clean slate, and to end up with a stronger relationship than ever before
  • Diffuse arguments before they start and get back together without fear of returning to a former fighting relationship
  • Recapture the romance you had when your love was brand new
The Magic of Making Up - The Path to a Restored Relationship
The Magic of Making Up – The Path to a Restored Relationship

Pros and Cons

Pros

  • Not written by a professional counselor, but by an author with much real-world experience
  • Thousands have been helped by the content within this product
  • Relatively low cost compared to the cost of counseling
  • Follows the techniques of Love Must be Tough put forth by an established family authority
  • You will come out stronger even if the relationship is not restored
  • Does not contain an overwhelming amount of content

Cons

  • Not written by a professional counselor – determine whether this is necessary for you
  • Not everyone will utilize the willpower necessary to pull this off
  • Some slang is not what many would recommend, for instance, slang that actually means “urinate”
  • The authority promotes making up for those who live together without the benefit of marriage
  • Techniques at times may seem too simplistic
  • Some may want more information

It’s Conclusive: The Magic of Making Up Is An Outstanding Product

I certainly like this product. The principles are common-sense items. The cost is truly low enough that it would be worth the try for anyone who strongly desires to get back with his or her Ex spouse or girl friend or boy friend.

If this sounds appealing to you, I highly recommend you pick up your own copy of The Magic of Making Up.

I hope you enjoyed this review, and if you have any questions about The Magic of Making Up or want to leave your own personal review, please leave a comment below.

Writing Tips for Telling Someone’s Story

America’s Story

Earlier I told you about entering into an Agreement with Small Town Big Deal to write a book about the story behind the program. Writing tips for telling people’s stories are the focus of this article.

This is the story behind the writing of that story, including some writing tips for telling anyone’s story.

Rodney and Grandson

Set up Some Interviews

My wife, Rhonda, and I had the privilege of traveling to Ocilla, Georgia to meet with Rodney Miller, the original owner and co-host of the show.

We really enjoyed the trip because Ocilla is not not far, only about an hour and-a-half away from where we lived when we first moved to Georgia many years ago. Our oldest daughter was born while we lived there. Then, the second place we lived during our nine-year stint in Georgia, is just about an hour and-a-half north of the first place we lived, which was near a small town, named, Chester Georgia. That second place was near another small town, Eatonton, Georgia. Eatonton is the home of author, Joel Chandler Harris. Our other three children were born when we lived in Eatonton.

Back to the interview. Rodney was a very gracious host. We loved seeing his farm. He calls it his “play farm.” He has cattle, a small lake, and some fields. Plus, he has his antique tractor collection. All of this is indicative of his love for small towns and rural America.

Rodney and I set down for a conversation, which was invaluable for getting the structure of the book in mind.

That simple interview was great because it provided enough fuel for four or five chapters of the book

That was at the end of October. Then, a little over a month later, Rhonda and I got to meet with Jann Carl, as she was in St. Louis, MO, when she had a trip that included attending a graduate-school graduation and visiting with her family.

Jann proved to be a very down-to-earth person. Rhonda described her as being “just as sweet as she seems to be on TV.”

Jann Carl with Randy Carney
Jann and Randy
Rhonda and Jann

That additional interview with Jann lasted two hours, but part of that time was just involved with us visiting and getting to know each other a little before we started talking about the book. Again, it provided enough fuel for several more chapters.

Both of these earlier interviews covered their lives before Small Town Big Deal.

Tomorrow, Jann, Rodney and I are scheduled for a phone interview to talk about part two of the book, which describes the history of the program since its first airing in September of 2012.

Use Tools that Are Easily Available

One of the tools that has worked well for me for doing live interviews is the VoiceRecorder app on my phone.

See the recorder icon in the middle of he screen.
Once you open it up, it looks like a cassette recorder.

I can easily save the files in the i-cloud drive and retrieve them to use with my transcription software.

For recording phone calls, I can use “FreeConferenceCall.com.” It has a free version and it is easy to set up. You just have to give the participants the call-in number and an access code.

Anothe piece of software that I like is called Express Scribe.

Express Scribe

Screen for Express Scribe Software.

The advantage of Express Scribe is that you can hook up a transcription foot pedal to it. Here is a used one that I purchased online, probably from eBay.

Transcription Foot Pedal

The pedal has three parts. When you press on the middle, the voice recording starts its playback. When you let up, the recording stops. When you press again, the program backs up about ten seconds and then picks up where you left off. The two sides can be programmed to fast forward or to rewind. I have mine set up with the right side for rewinding.

Express Scribe has a free trial. I liked it so well I quickly purchased the paid version. The foot pedal may have been in the $30 range or so. It was certainly less than $50.

While you can pay a transcription service to get the text of the interview, I find there are several advantages to doing the transcription myself. I can do the light editing on the fly, eliminating, the “ands” or “uhs” and doing easy grammar corrections. I also like to be able to figure out where I like paragraph breaks.

Your Unique Content

When you interview your subjects, you get content that often does not appear anywhere else. Even if the main parts of your discussion are covered in other places, you are getting the story from your subject’s own words.

So, these are some writing tips for telling someone’s story. I hope they will be helpful to you.S

Regain Trust in Marriage – Overcome Both of Your Fears

Hands Shielding Face

Regain trust in marriage? Can you really do that when you have lost it?Sometimes your or your mate loses trust over a series of disappointments and failed promises. At other times, however, a major event occurs that causes a loss of trust. An affair is extremely difficult to overcome.

Sometimes the offender has a fear the marriage partner can not forgive him or her, and they could never restore the marriage. Likewise, the offended party has fears that the spouse will not really change. Also, the one who needs to forgive may also have a fear of really being able to do that. If there is a real commitment to overcome this loss, you can regain trust in marriage. Overcome both of your fears by summoning the courage to rebuild.

How can you do that? Among other things, you can take four basic actions to regain such a trust.

Forgive

The most important step for both of you will be the step of forgiveness. With an affair, if you were the offended party, this step will be important and difficult. You will have so many emotions running through your mind. You will have a feeling of betrayal. You will feel rejected, and you will probably also feel angry.Forgive each other

If you were the offending party, and you have truly come to your senses, it will be equally important for you to forgive yourself.

While there is no excuse for what you did in violating your marriage vows, your spouse may need some forgiving too.

As time goes on, you will make deposits in the trust bank. Each time you do something trustworthy, you confirm that your spouse’s decision to forgive was the right thing to do.

At first your forgiveness will probably be a sheer act of your will. You may not feel like forgiving all the time, but you will do so because you have decided to do so.

Forgiveness does not mean that you excuse the behavior and sweep the hurt under the rug and just act like the offense never happened. We often talk about “forgive and forget.” If we take God’s act of forgiving as our model, we will see the sense in which He forgets. When God decides to forget, He does not lose the ability to know what happened. Rather, the way he forgets is that he does not hold the past against us. When you forgive your husband or wife, you will still know what happened. The key is not to dwell on the past and not to hold it against your spouse. If there is a new offense, that is what you will deal with. It is very important not to add fuel to the fire by bringing up past similar experiences.

However, to rebuild trust, you will give new conditions based on the past offense.

The first step is to forgive. Then you will begin the process of rebuilding.

Do What You Say

The best way to build or rebuild trust in any situation is to be a man or woman of your word. If you say you will be somewhere at a certain time, be there. If you say you will hold your spouse accountable for meeting certain agreed-upon conditions, make sure you stick to your word. If you decide later that your conditions were unreasonable, explain why you are willing to change them at that later date.

Suppose you say you will be home for supper at a certain time, make sure you actually arrive on time. Every time either of you does
exactly what you promised, you gain or regain trust in your marriage.

Suppose you know you will not make it home when you said you would. How do you handle that? It is very important to let your husband or wife know. It is also very important to do the informing as close to the moment you realize this will happen as you can.

Much distrust and discontent in many marriages could be avoided by simply letting the mate know what is going on. You do need to explain why you will be late (and the reason better be a good, legitimate reason, and something that you could not have easily avoided.)

Committing to this principle may help you see if you have a tendency to overestimate what you can accomplish in a certain amount of time. After you practice this important action for a while, you will be better at making time estimates.

Your spouse will also become more confident you really care about his or her time and feelings. When you rebuild this well enough, it may meet the occasional instance where you may not be able to inform your wonderful mate of your lateness with only a minimal frustration. “I knew something important that you couldn’t avoid came up,” will be music to your ears, coming from your spouse. Then you will truly know you have been successful in rebuilding trust.

First, forgive. Second, become a man or woman of your word.

Practice the Principle of Leaving

The third action you can take to rebuild trust in marriage is to practice the principle of leaving. Here, we are specifically talking about putting things behind you and leaving them there–never (a strong word, huh?) to bring them up against your spouse again.Put the past behind you You, by an act of your will, decide to forgive. Both of you develop track records of keeping your

promises and doing what you say. These track records make it easier for you to rebuild trust in each other. Focusing on the new will be very important. Leaving the past behind will be important There are many ways the principle of leaving will benefit your marriage. You leave these actions that broke your trust behind. Then you will do well to expand that to other areas where you will not bring up your pasts as ammunition to fire shots at each other. You will leave your relationship to your parents behind (and develop new relationships with them as adults to adults.) You will leave former romantic relationships before the marriage. You will leave things that really frustrate your husband or wife. You will leave former disrespect and get on with the new.

You forgive. You keep your word. You leave the past behind and then you make a new commitment or recommitment. What type of commitment is that?

Commit to Overcoming Your Differences

You commit to overcoming your differences. With an affair, you may have quarrelled over your differences in the past. Then one of you may have discovered someone who accepted you as you were. That temporary feeling of relief because of your similarities may have drawn you away from your spouse to the party outside your marriage.Mountain

We often say opposites attract. That is often true with personalities. Why is that? If is often because we see the strength of the other person’s personality type.

Each personality type, however, also has an accompanying weakness. After we marry, we see those weaknesses. Those differences sometimes cause frustration or conflict.

One very popular dating site has had great success because it strives to match the couples because of their similarities.

When you begin the process of rebuilding your marriage, it may seem like you are up against a mountain impossible to scale.

As you commit to overcoming your hurts, you might as well commit to overcoming your differences. In those cases, you realize that one is not better than the other–just different.

You commit to overcome. Sometimes you will take turns doing things together that one of you likes. The other one will try to learn about that activity. Sometimes you will allow the other one to spend time with his or her enjoyment without having to be together (just don’t let the amount of time you do this become excessive). Sometimes you will decide to something according to your husband’s or wife’s preference, even though your preference is different. There should be a balance in deciding to do this.

If you are rebuilding a marriage, commit to proper agreed-upon boundaries. Commit to the conditions for the offending party to be taken back. Commit to standing strong and holding each other accountable. Most of all, though, commit to doing whatever it takes to build a strong marriage.

Now, Start! Regain Trust in Marriage

We have seen four actions you can take to regain trust in marriage: forgiveness, keeping your word, leaving the past behind, and committing to doing whatever it takes to overcome the things that would destroy your marriage. That last action will lead to more actions.

Can you regain trust in marriage? Certainly! And, when you do, you will overcome both your fears.

I am curious: What other tips do you have for rebuilding trust in a relationship?

Tips to regain trust in marriage.

Affiliate Disclosure

In 2015, the Federal Trade Commission released their new rules for Disclosure Compliance. These rules are set in place to ensure that readers or viewers of web media (blogs, Youtube videos, etc.) know if the blogger/presenter is sponsored, endorsed, or partnered with a different company. In blog terms, the readers need to know if the blogger is making money by sharing a link or product.

In compliance with the FTC guidelines, please assume the following about links and posts on this site: Any/all of the links YOURWEBSITE.com are affiliate links of which I receive a small compensation from sales of certain items.

What are affiliate links?

Purchases are made on external affiliate company websites: When a reader clicks on an affiliate link located on randysblogs.com to purchase an item, the reader buys the item from the seller directly (not from randysblogs.com). Amazon and/or other companies pay randysblogs.com a small commission or other compensation for promoting their website or products through their affiliate program.

Prices are exactly the same for you if your purchase is through an affiliate link or a non-affiliate link. You will not pay more by clicking through to the link.

I use two main types of affiliate programs:

1. Amazon affiliate links.

RandysBlogs.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon properties including, but not limited to, amazon.com. Amazon offers a small commission on products sold through their affiliate links. Each of your purchases via our Amazon affiliation links supports our cause at no additional cost to you.

If a blogger links to an Amazon product (with a special code for affiliates embedded in the link), and a reader places an item in their “shopping cart” through that link within 24 hours of clicking the link, the blogger gets a small percentage of the sale. Amazon links are not “pay per click.” If you click on the product link and stay around Amazon and purchase something else, however, I will get commission on that sale.

Anytime you see a link that looks like astore.com/… or amazon.com… it can be assumed that it is an Amazon affiliate link.

2. Product affiliate links.

These affiliate links work the same way: if you click the link and buy the product, then the blogger gets a percentage of the sale or some other type of compensation. Things like e-book bundles, e-courses, and online packages are usually affiliate links, as well. Again, prices are not different if you use these affiliate links. You will not pay more by clicking through to the link. These links are not “pay per click”, unless otherwise denoted.

What about sponsored content?

I do not write sponsored posts. I want to bring you real, unbiased information. However, if a post is sponsored by a company and it is a paid sponsorship, I will disclose this clearly in the beginning of the post.

Bible Verse About Leaving Parents – Three Top Tips for a Great Marriage

Bible Verse About Leaving Parents

 

A well-known Bible verse about leaving parents contains three top tips for a great marriage.

Years ago, my wife and I went to hear Dr. Leighton Ford speak. He was an associate evangelist at that time for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. Dr. Ford is also the esteemed Dr. Graham’s brother-in-law.

He mentioned that night, that, if you observe a marriage with problems, you will usually find the problems to be related to one or more of three areas. Then he quoted this verse that is well-known in many Christian circles.

The Verse Itself

This verse is stated both in the Old Testament and the New Testament.

It is first stated very early in biblical history. In fact, it is found in the second chapter of the Bible.

Bible Verse About Leaving ParentsJesus also made reference to it in the first book of the New Testament.

Here is how it is stated in those two instances:

Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (NKJV)

Matthew 19:5, “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” (NKJV)

Let’s look at those three areas Dr. Ford said were highly important. They actually are more essential than just tips; however, when they are put into practices, you can experience the reason for them being known as the top marriage tips of all time.

Tip # 1 Leaving

The first tip is thatLeaving leaving must take place in a marriage. Specifically, a man is to leave his father and mother, according to this verse, but it is just as important for a wife to leave her father and mother as well.

“What? You want me to Leave? I thought this was a book about marriage, not divorce?” That is a reaction a marriage partner could have upon hearing the title of the book on marriage in the series, The LOVING Way to a Successful Marriage: Six Keys to Marital Bliss. You see, the title of that first book in the series is 21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage: Why You Should Apply This Shocking Key to Marital Bliss.

Now, for the most part, I am not talking about the two parties in the marriage leaving each other.

Rather, they should leave the past behind. They should leave past relationships behind (not completely–they can still have those former friends and good relationships with their parents). They will no longer rely on those past relationships like they did in the past.

They also should leave their baggage behind–those past hurts and failures–both their own and their mate’s.

If the past relationships are not left behind, in-law problems can develop. There can be jealousy of the former relationship. There can be concern about the other partner spending too much time with his or her family.

Tip # 2 Cleaving

Secondly, not only should there be “leaving,” but there should be “cleaving.” Cleaving, in this context, means to “stick like glue.”

Cleaving

It is not to be a smothering possessiveness, but it is a chance to develop a wonderful “closeness.”

Cleaving carries with it the idea of physical intimacy as expressed in the sexual relationship.

Problems can occur in this area, and the couple would do well to seek information that will help them to adjust. For some Christian couples, this is a little difficult to talk about; but, there really are some very good books on this subject that are written from a Christian perspective.

There should be a mutual respect and continued desire to grow close in the marriage. Many men are “pursuers.” In the pre-marriage days, their goal is to pursue they young lady until she agrees to be his wife. Once the marriage happens, he may feel like there is no longer a conquest. He may feel he has “arrived.”

He would do well to continue to study his wife and to pursue and deepen her continued love.

The wife would likewise do well to study her husband. One of his main needs (at least according to many surveys) is for his wife to admire him. She would do well in those cases to be his number one cheerleader.

Tip # 3 Uniting

Unity Candle A part of many wedding ceremonies has the lighting of the unity candle. In fact when I am performing the ceremony, I often enjoy making the statement: “Now, as these two lights become one, may these two lives become one.”

Different couples have their own preferences as to what to do with the first two candles after the third one is lit. I have no problems complying with their preferences because there are aspects of both types of symbolism that are true.

If they prefer to blow out their individual candles, they simply show how committed they are to becoming one in their marriage. If they prefer not to blow out their individual candles, that simply shows that they do not lose their own identities. Regardless of how the candles are handled, the couple will certainly maintain their unique personalities, but they each will also experience the joy of becoming united to the love of their life.

This is the third area where a problem can occur in a marriage.

The couple can grow apart instead of growing closer together. When that happens, many times the marriage heads toward the divorce court.

Conclusion

So, even though this Bible verse contains some very ancient words, it contains some of the greatest truth ever for successful marriages.

To have a great marriage, you need to leave father and mother (and other things from the past).

To have a great marriage, you need to commit to growing closer to your husband or wife. You will experience the joys of physical intimacy, but you will also begin to experience the joys of spiritual intimacy.

Finally, to have a great marriage, you need to commit to facing life with a united front. (Such a united front will be especially important if children come into the marriage.) This really is an extension of “cleaving.”

3 top tips for a great marriage
3 top tips for a great marriage
3 top tips for a great marriage
3 top tips for a great marriage
3 top tips for a great marriage
3 top tips for a great marriage

 

Should I Leave My Marriage?

Should I Leave My Marriage

Should I leave my marriage? That may be a question that weighs heavily on your mind. Maybe you have been in this only for a short time. Think hard about the consequences.

Maybe you have been in the marriage for a long time, and you are weary. Maybe there are some fire works between you and your husband or wife. Think hard about the consequences.

Maybe you have discovered that your marriage is one of “opposites.” Think about what brought you together in the first place, and think long and hard about the consequences or your leaving.

Maybe you have what seem to be really legitimate reasons for leaving. Maybe, in that case, you might want to leave, but you still would want to see if there could be restoration. Even if you are justified, you need to weigh out the consequences of taking such action.

Not If You Have Just Had a Disagreement

Couple with boxing gloves

O.K. Maybe you have had your first really serious fight.

I recently heard of a man who said he got married at 16 years of age. Most of us would consider that quite young.

Within their first year, he and his wife had a fight. It came to the point to where he took her, along with her packed bags, in his truck, back to her parent’s house.

Not long after that, his dad came to see him. “Where’s [the wife’s name]?

“I took here to her parents’ house.”

His dad did not give him a chance to justify his actions and decisions. He just said, “Now, we can do this like this: I can whip you like a father to a son, or I can whip you man-to-man. Or, you can get in your truck and go get her!”

He went and got his wife, and they were married for over 55 years until her death.

Just having a fight or disagreement is not a sufficient reason for leaving your marriage.

In fact, many couples learn how to fight, but to fight fair. They learn how not to damage each other when they have disagreements.

Not If You Have You Haven’t Given It a Fair Shake

Some couples decide to quit too easily. Maybe they are looking for that perfect marriage, where there is never a conflict. I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but I don’t think that perfect marriage exists.

Ready to throw in the towelSometimes in a boxing match, people will refer to a boxer stopping the match by “throwing in the towel.” Many young couples decide to throw in the towel too quickly.

Anything worth having is worth working for–and that is what marriage is, sometimes–work!

Now, have you really given this your best shot?

Have you tried everything you know? Sometimes what happens is that each member of the marriage needs to make some changes, but they are not willing to do so themselves.

So, if you haven’t given your marriage a fair chance, this certainly is not the time to leave.

Not If You Have Differences

Not if you have differencesSurprise! Men and women are different. Some marital adjustments need to be made just because of this basic difference.

Many times opposites attract. See! before we are married, we may be attracted to someone because of the strengths of their personality. If we are quiet and introverted, we may be attracted to those who are louder, talkative, and extroverted.

If we are very impulsive, we may be attracted to someone who is very level-headed.

Actually, there is something to be said for finding a mate who is very similar to yourself in many ways. Some very popular dating sites have a great deal of success by matching people up according to their similar interests and personalities.

Either way, just because you find, or are reminded of, your differences, that is not a reason to leave.

Every personality type has strengths. That is what we are likely attracted to before we marry. But, every personality type also has accompanying weaknesses. Those are often what we did not take into account before marriage.

Understanding each other will go a long way. She does not have to think like I do. My wife also needs to realize I don’t have to think like she does. It is very helpful, though, when we discuss things and begin to understand why each one thinks the way he or she does.

It really is possible to work with these differences. Sometimes the differences seem like mountains, when, really, with the proper perspective, they are just molehills. Perhaps you would want to consider the ideas in From Mountains to Molehills: Overcoming and Celebrating Your Differences in Marriage, which is also available as an ebook.

When Should I Leave?Should I Leave My Marriage?

So, if I can’t leave because of the above reasons when can I leave?

Or, maybe I should ask, “When should I leave?”

In Cases of Abuse, Continued Abuse

I think there are many strong reasons for staying together in a difficult marriage. When I speak of abuse, I am not speaking of minor annoyances. I am speaking of serious problems.

Physical abuse certainly is not something we have to put up with. Maybe, it would not rise, at least at first, to the level of divorce, but we are talking about getting to your own safety. We are also talking about our responsibility to keep our children safe.

I know of one marriage, where the couple realized the husband had a problem where he would get out of control. They decided to live separately–even having a child in this long-term relationship. They were cooperative, but she was kept safe from some of his times when he could not handle the pressures around him. I am not necessarily saying that is what anyone else would want to do, but it seemed to work for them.

While you should do everything you can to stay in your marriage, you also have a right to self-defense.

In Cases of Marital Unfaithfulness on the Part of Your Spouse

When your spouse has been unfaithful and participated in an adulterous relationship, you have the right to leave. That does not mean that you have to do so.

We have talked above about thinking hard about the consequences of our decisions. What would be the result if there was a genuine restoration in your marriage? Would that benefit your children? If the restoration was genuine, it probably would.

Could you rebuild trust and even rebuild feelings of love? I know many couples who have done so. It just depends on what your spouse is willing to do.

Conclusion

There are many times when you should not leave the marriage. Just having an argument is not reason enough. Just wanting to throw in the towel very early in your marriage is not reason enough. Just realizing that you are two very different people, that in itself, is not reason enough.

You should leave, at least temporarily, in times when that is the only thing that will ensure your or your children’s safety.

If your spouse has been unfaithful, you may leave. Maybe you should. Maybe even then you would decide to seek restoration. Only you can decide.

There are other types of leaving that are beneficial to a marriage, but they are not talking about your leaving the marriage altogether. You might want to check out, 21 Ways the Principle of Leaving Will Benefit Your Marriage: Why You Should Apply this Shocking Key to Marital Bliss. One chapter does talk about when it is appropriate to leave in the sense we have discussed in this article.

What are your thoughts? Do you know of couples who have benefited from a restoration? When do you think abuse might rise to the level of leaving for safety reasons?